At this point I feel helpless, hopeless, soul less. Feel numb to it all my days and nights are a blur. I am constantly pacing and can not focus. Music helps a little. Heart is steadily racing and thinking the worst. It is really bad cause I don’t have anyone to talk to and I have to put on a happy face through all the pain I’m going through. Damn this feeling I freaking hate it. Emotions are up and down, feel like I am losing it. Only way I feel a little calm is when I am writing and the last couple days that has been hard to do. Knowing that you are losing someone is a lot to deal with and I am not taking it well at all, on top of the daily struggles and taking care of a family. Anxiety been at a high just craziness. Ugh calm down and breathe. Sorry people it’s how I feel right now got to let it out, forever venting, my feelings, my thoughts, my life. Just Write about it. Thank you for reading.