My relationship, the END
I walked away, I said I am done, I can not do this no more. I was in a relationship off and on for eight years, and there were only two years it was good, and I was happy in the relationship. I feel like I wasted my time, wasted my life, wasted my love, all while trying to help the other person build them up and give them chance after chance. During those years I forgot about myself. I stayed to try and work it out for our kids, again forgetting about myself forgetting about my feelings in the process. I felt alone and hopeless for years. He did not want to help me do anything or help with anything; he was just there. Talking was pointless because when I would speak my mind on how things were, I would get called names or he would say I was nagging and all I asked for was help with our kids and help with bills. I could never get that. I felt weak, lost, lonely, defeated, and depressed handling everything on my own including my own battles while in a relationship and taking care of everything. The relationship drained me, it was bad it was abuse on both of our sides and I am not happy about that, I was a different person, I became very mean and never wanted to be bother with. Deep depression and looking at my children face I knew we needed a change and that I needed to do better for them and focus only on them. Damn I honestly felt like I was shit, like I was no good. He always worked and had jobs and would get paid and go hang out with his family and friends his priorities were always off, that’s part of the reason I felt like I was no good because I could not get the man, I gave children to, gave my love to, and slept with every night could not help me with the simplest shit. Wow I cannot believe I went through that and stayed with him if I did. I went through so much hurt and pain and sadness alone. I could not talk to him, too many arguments, so I just shut down. Happy to say for the last two years I been single, but he stills begs to have his family back, and it gets annoying. Seriously how many chances should you give a person. Eight years and nothing had changed, and it seemed to be getting worse, so I had to end it for my peace, happiness, and sanity. Then he will tell me that nobody will ever want me and if they did it will only be for sex; he stills says that I am his forever. Just had to walk away. I made a post some days ago about how I felt about him, the hate is strong and the fact that he keeps wanting to get back together makes it worst. I do not understand why he wants to be together when I tried time after time to talk to him and figure things out and make it work but he never wanted to hear it. Now he mad because he messed up. Honestly feel like he was using me for a place to stay. Man, tired of it, all I want is peace. I do not like arguing with him and losing my cool. Wish he would understand, and we could co parent without the drama. Been trying to move on for two years and it has been a long ride.
Just had to let that out I do not want to be bitter about the past, I want to live happy and have no drama. Want this hatred out my heart, we do have to be around each other for our kids. Still lost and do not know what to do. I am just venting and getting my feelings out it was heavy on my mind, feel a little better. Praying for a better year.
Thank you for reading.
- *Repost- wrote this 12/31/2020*
- Wanted to share again, something I am happy I did.