Man, tonight is not a good night. I have been trying to have a positive outlook, and thoughts about life and have been encouraging others to do the same. But me being honest lately it has been hard to do. Especially today. Tonight, my thoughts are dark, and I have been drinking for hours, which I am not supposed to be doing. Without a damn care in the world. Honestly right now my feelings are numb. I do not care about shit right now, and yeah maybe it is the liquor or maybe my wicked thought’s, how I feel about myself at the moment. I want to unleash. Fight mode. Hurting. All day I have being giving myself pep talks and trying to rise above this dark feeling.
But I am tired. Tired of being there for people who can’t help me with shit. It is only so much a person can take. People who I cannot call on to even talk to. Tired of it all. All I do is give to others, while I am suffering through a lot. Help them always in their time of need. But who is there for me. And yes, I know you should not help others and look for something in return, but damn people I help sometimes I wish I can call them and need them.
Often, I feel like my feelings do not matter at all. It is all about what a person can get out of me. SAD but it is a truth in my life. You’ll think I be use to it by now. Same shit different day…
So here I am writing in my notebook and my blog and about to tune everything out. Phone is off, tv is off. Just drinking and thinking (SMH) hopefully this would pass, been here before and it is not good.
Venting and letting it out as always, no matter what it is. If you think this is too dark or not for you. MOVE ON. VENT SESSION
Just rambling on and venting. Just wish I had a person for me to talk to about anything. Yes I am guarded but still haven’t met a person who I trust enough to let them in and be vulnerable with them. Sill working on it,
Anyways back to my fucked-up night. Writing and music take me away.
Hope you all night is better!
My misery does not like company! Even though I go through a lot I do not wish it on others.
She just being HONEST. Tired of it ALL
Have a good one.
Blessings and Love
Thank you for reading.