Contradictions…

Have you ever been in a situation where your feelings are deep for someone, yet you cannot explain it to them. You are too much in your head and in a way, you are a walking contradiction. What do I mean? I am glad yall asked. I say walking contradiction because I want one thing but act and say another thing.

An example, I always say that communication is key in any type of relationship, and I like open communication. I like for people to be able to come and talk to me about anything. On the other hand, I do not like to talk all the time and indeed be in my head. I shut down and do not want to talk to anyone about anything. I just cut people off until I feel like I am ready to talk to them again. That is contradiction number one. Another example is I also have a problem with accountability. I want someone to own up to the shit they have done and own up to the crazy ways they acted. I try to get them to understand the way they acted. On the other hand, sometimes, I feel like I said what I said, did what I did and that is that. I expect a person to deal with it. Or I try to avoid talking about it. Not with everything but from time to time I get like this. I know that it is not right. That is contradiction number two. Another one is being open minded, that is what I want from others but me, myself, is really not open minded, I try to be, but I am so closed off and sometimes I am not open to new things. Damn. Contradiction number three. Control is a big one…. I do not like people who are super controlling, yet I can be. I like to be in control over everything I do. If I am not in control I feel out of place and full of anxiety. Contradiction number four.

I know these are not good traits I have, and I have been working on all of them!

Again, I am a walking contradiction, and I can be honest about it. Always real with myself above the rest.

Anybody else like this? What are some contradictions you face?