In my heart, a pain so deep
Love once bright, now lost in sleep
Closure seems so far away
Memories haunt me night and day.
Tried to forget, tried to move on
But the pain lingers, never gone
Love that was once all-consuming
Now reduced to mere assuming.
Closure seems like a distant dream
But I know I must find a way to redeem
Letting go of what once was
Finding peace in what now does.
In my heart, a pain so deep
But with time, perhaps closure I’ll keep.
Blessings and Love!
Thank you for reading.
Hello everyone
It is confession time and yes, I am sharing this and honestly, I don’t know if I should be embarrassed about this or not lol. Share and Confess
So, I am 36 years old, and next August, I will be the big 37, and guess what? I still do not know how to drive. Yeah, crazy, right. I have a fear of driving and also being in cars, traffic period. My sister recently asked me why and what the problem is she feels me not driving is an issue. And honestly, it is kind of is I do have 2 kids and have to get around more easily. To get around, I take buses and Lyfts/cabs, and even in those, I am scared. She says that I am putting my life in others’ hands instead of driving myself. I feel even if you drive yourself, you are still in others’ hands because you do not know how a person will be on the road. The fear started when I was a teenager, I had gotten into a couple of wrecks, and since then, I had just been scared. I have tried only twice. The first time, I was 26 years old and drove around the block twice and was like I am done. And the second time, it was just down the street, and I stopped myself and didn’t want to finish. Want to get over this fear and take those steps to learn how to drive and be confident in it. Try to tell myself to just do it but it is not easy for me. I probably get made fun of it due to my age and not being able to get anywhere I want. My kids even tell me I need to drive. It is so frustrating having this fear and I don’t know what to do about it. Want to be able to drive so I can take my kids places without paying extra for cabs and waiting for them. I am going to do some research on how I can calm myself and my mind and not think negatively when it comes to driving and cars. I kind of hate that it is this way and constantly question myself on why not just try. Why not get in a car and freaking drive ugghh? I annoy myself, I tell you lol.
I wanted to write this because lately, with a new year coming up, it has been on my mind. I would love to be able to move around more freely and want to get it done, stop being scared and a baby about it. Maybe I should take a driving class or some type of therapy. I don’t know. I must figure it out seriously. HELP!
Is anybody else struggling to face their fears? Care to share those fears? Any tips for me?
Blessings and Love!
Thank you for reading.
Hello All,
Man, tonight is not a good night. I have been trying to have a positive outlook, and thoughts about life and have been encouraging others to do the same. But me being honest lately it has been hard to do. Especially today. Tonight, my thoughts are dark, and I have been drinking for hours, which I am not supposed to be doing. Without a damn care in the world. Honestly right now my feelings are numb. I do not care about shit right now, and yeah maybe it is the liquor or maybe my wicked thought’s, how I feel about myself at the moment. I want to unleash. Fight mode. Hurting. All day I have being giving myself pep talks and trying to rise above this dark feeling.
But I am tired. Tired of being there for people who can’t help me with shit. It is only so much a person can take. People who I cannot call on to even talk to. Tired of it all. All I do is give to others, while I am suffering through a lot. Help them always in their time of need. But who is there for me. And yes, I know you should not help others and look for something in return, but damn people I help sometimes I wish I can call them and need them.
Often, I feel like my feelings do not matter at all. It is all about what a person can get out of me. SAD but it is a truth in my life. You’ll think I will be use to it by now. Same shit different day…
So here I am writing in my notebook and my blog and about to tune everything out. Phone is off, tv is off. Just drinking and thinking (SMH) hopefully this would pass, been here before and it is not good.
Venting and letting it out as always, no matter what it is. If you think this is too dark or not for you. MOVE ON. VENT SESSION
Just rambling on and venting. Just wish I had a person for me to talk to about anything. Yes I am guarded but still haven’t met a person who I trust enough to let them in and be vulnerable with them. Sill working on it,
Anyways back to my fucked-up night. Writing and music take me away.
Hope you all night is better!
My misery does not like company! Even though I go through a lot I do not wish it on others.
She just being HONEST. Tired of it ALL
Have a good one.
Blessings and Love
Thank you for reading.
Hello, how is everyone’s night going?
Why do we sometimes feel like we cannot tell those close to us the word no, if we do, we feel guilty and question ourselves. We want to help and be there, so we do not like to tell people no. The thing is we know sometimes that the best thing is to say no and know it is the right choice, but we struggle with it. Me I have that problem especially with my kids. I try to please my loved ones no matter what. Yes of course there are times when I am like no and that is final, but still feel bad about it and there are times where I do not know why I feel bad. Why is that? I was also that way with my mom. Is anyone else this way? This is another thing I have changed in my life!
I want to say those two letters and mean it and not feel bad about it or selfish. It’s not to the point where I feel like people are taking advantage, it is just how I feel about saying no and thinking about the other person feelings. Yeah, I often push I how feel to the side, but at this age I am used to it-SIGH-. Just like to help people, I guess. Even though I get told that all the time (LOL).
But now days I have learned that saying no is the best thing to do. It is what is best for me in certain situations. No matter what your feelings are. You have to always put your feelings first.
Can you easily tell a loved one, no? What do you think?
Blessings and Love!
Thank you for reading.
Deceit…
When you hear the word deceit what does it mean to you?
How does deceit make you feel?
Why does it make some of us pained?
Well, it is hurtful to get deceived and constantly being lied to, when you are a good person and love hard. Someone who is willing to lie, cheat, and steal to hurt you and they know that what they are doing is hurting you that person is leading with deceit they are so deceitful. Hiding their true intentions with the lies, sweet talk, gifts, and all the fake love they give. I have been in certain situations when a person was deceitful and wanted to bring harm to me and I was being nice, maybe stupid by loving them and was getting used the whole time. Yes, thankful I found out when I did.
Some people are just that way and nothing we can do about it but leave them alone. Especially when you start to see the signs, it is best to leave. I wish I can get inside people head to see what they are really thinking and to somewhat better understand and deal with them. Because right now I just do not understand why people like that do it. Yeah, I know its apart of life, a part of learning lessons. I know some like to lie and be deceitful just to see what they can get away with it. Some see it as a job deceiving, scamming, to make money. Man, these people and their deceitful ways smh..
Sometimes we feel so hurt by deceit and that is where the trusting others come in. Being aware of who and what is around us. People will try you suck you dry verbally, emotionally, physical, and financial. Craziness, right? You must learn from those past deceitful situations, and that can be hard sometimes.
My feeling/thoughts tonight… My wondering mind lol. F Deceit!
Blessings All!
Thank you for reading.
Just Write 