Category Archives: Short Stories

Relaxed!

Relaxed

Good book, or good movie

Great wine or great cocktail, Great Food

Kids fed, had bath, Kids are asleep

Clean house

It is my me time

My fun, relaxed time

Cheers to me, it’s time to unwind!

And writing on my mind!

Relaxed!

Thank you for reading.

On the inside- A different person

A different person

You ever met a person who is beautiful, handsome and has it all together? Or so it seems that way.

On the outside everything is great. The person seem nice, strong, independent, has goals, but on the inside, the real them tells a different story. They can look a certain way to please who they want which is a cover up but act differently around others. They can be extremely mean and unpleasant to be around.

Photo by Brenda Timmermans on Pexels.com

It is crazy how well you think you know a person when in all honesty you do not know anything but what they tell which is of course lies. Do you know anyone like this? Later down the road you start to think who the hell is this person? What happened to the person I met? Man, these people are good at what they do they are good at acting, seriously a wolf in sheep’s clothing. I have met a person like this and all I can say is Scary. I know it is hard to tell how a person is and who they really are when you met them, I say that to say please people be careful. Be careful who you give yourself access to. Be careful who you trust. My thoughts, letting it out. Thank you for reading.

Photo by Fillipe Gomes on Pexels.com

Confession

Hello everyone

It is confession time and yes, I am sharing this and honestly, I don’t know if I should be embarrassed about this or not lol. Share and Confess

So, I am 34 years old next August will be the big 35, and guess what? I still do not know how to drive. Yeah, crazy right. I have a fear of driving and also being in cars, traffic period. My sister recently asked me why and what the problem is she feels me not driving is an issue. And honestly, it is kind of is I do have 2 kids and have to get around more easily. To get around I take busses and Lyfts/cabs and even in those, I am scared. She says that I am putting my life in others’ hands instead of driving myself. I feel even if you drive yourself, you are still in others’ hands because you do not know how a person will be on the road. The fear started when I was a teenager had gotten into a couple of wrecks and since then had just been scared. I have tried only twice the first time I was 26 years old and drove around the block twice and was like I am done. And the second time it was just down the street and I stopped myself and didn’t want to finish. Want to get over this fear and take those steps to learn how to drive and be confident in it. Try to tell myself to just do it but it is not easy for me. I probably get made fun of it due to my age and not being able to get anywhere I want. My kids even tell me I need to drive. It is so frustrating having this fear and I don’t know what to do about it. Want to be able to drive so I can take my kids places without paying extra for cabs and waiting for them. I am going to do some research on how I can calm myself, my mind and not think negatively when it comes to driving and cars. I kind of hate that it is this way and constantly question myself on why not just try. Why not get in a car and freaking drive ugghh I annoy myself I tell you lol.

Wanted to write this because lately, it is on my mind with a new year coming up. I would love to be able to move around more freely and want to get it done stop being scared and a baby about it. Maybe take a driving class or maybe some type of therapy I don’t know. Must figure it out seriously. HELP!

Anybody else struggling to face their fears? Care to share those fears? Any tips for me?

Blessings and Love!

Thank you for reading.

Chill

Chill!!

C- Confident, Creative, Cool, Curvaceous

H- Honest, Have Heart, Helping, Hard-working

I- Important, Impassioned, Imaginative, Irreplaceable

L- Leader, Likable, Lender, Light

L- Lovable, Lush, Laid back, Level-headed

Chill that I am, even under pressure yes, I vent about it all the while being me and being so chill. I have to be this way no matter what.

Be you!

Be chill!

Thank you for reading.

Chilling

Loss and Grief

Loss and Grief.

Why?

Grief is hard to deal with and it is a stressful and overwhelming prolonged process, depending on the person. Grief can take over sometimes. Dealing with the stages of grief acceptance, denial, depression, anger, bargaining, and shock leaves a person feeling down and lost and sometimes no sense of direction when dealing with it all. These stages come to you at any given time. Grieving and feeling like maybe you could have done something different is so draining. Just want to talk about it. Something everyone experienced and would like to share mine.

It has been nine and a half months since my mom has passed. I have often shared my feelings on it on this blog. I am still healing. There have been some really bad and dark days where I did not know what was going to happen to myself or if I would make it through the day. Some days I think of the happy memories and sometimes that helps deal with the pain of it all. Often question why and ask for understanding. I tell you this grieving thing is hard. Thoughts and feelings just pop up at any time and no matter how hard I try to stop the feeling it just does not work at times, guess that is life. Holidays are extremely hard and emotional my mom was a person who was big on holidays and always wanted to celebrate. She would make her own decorations art and craft was her hobby, she loved making pinatas, especially for her grandkid’s birthdays. During holidays and birthdays, I have to try and remember the 4 R’s which are to relax, re-orient, rely, and remember and try to be calm and positive. Yeah, so some days I think of all that and how it is no more of that. This grief thing is tricky you think you are okay and then you are not. I do write about my feelings on it a lot because writing is an outlet and the feelings are so strong and I do not have anyone to talk to but my notebooks, and blog. It is weird how some places I do not want to go to because they were her favorite places to go and shop or eat. Do yall think that is crazy? I try some days to overcome it, but it is a challenge I get anxious. And not to mention I grieve over my grandma still who passed when I was about 12 or 13, we were close, so I am always thinking about them both and I know they are together in heaven.

I know in life we will experience the loss of a loved one or any type of loss. That does not mean it is easy to get over, it seems like it gets worse I am constantly thinking about her and wanting to talk to her. Man, grief sucks a lot and I freaking hate it. Another reason I like to write about it is that if I stopped writing my mom will be highly upset, she was a big supporter she wanted me to write her life story and, she had ideas to do books for kids. I miss her so much and our talks. my writing comes from my grandma she uses to write poetry and I use to read them and wanted to start writing on my own.  Grief Sucks yeah, I will keep stating that

I know for a fact of course in this life and world that I am not alone dealing with loss and grief. It is not easy at all. Especially still having to work and take care of my family, I feel so empty sometimes and often want to be alone in my bed. Not only do I have to deal with just my feelings on the loss but my kid’s and siblings’ feelings also. Have to make sure they are doing okay. It gets hard, I am still hurt and feel confused, feel pained. Again, grief sucks a lot

I pray we all heal from losing someone, I pray we have the strength to make it through those tough days. I pray we find peace and happiness as we are healing. Must take it slow and give yourself time to fully understand everything. Just wanted to touch on this topic I know that people do not like to deal with it or maybe hear about it. But it is a part of life whether we like it or not. Again, to those grieving, I pray for you and your family.  Praying helps and with time heals. One day at a time……Damn loss and grief

Blessings and Love!

Thank you for reading

**Honestly not that long of a post and this really took me three days to write..**

Writing and I

I had come across this and made me think of me

Working on my craft daily

Practice makes Perfect

Love what you write!!!!!

It speaks to me

Anyone else?

Currently working on books and still doing this blog. Writing is a passion and even if I am just writing my thoughts I love it just to get it out of my mind. Sometimes the notebook is my therapist.

Are you a writer? Any books on the way? What motivates you?

Thank You!

My Lonely Why…

My lonely Why

Lonely days with nothing but these thoughts, bad ones, negative ones oh man. Sitting in the dark trying to block out everything wondering why. That is what is mostly on my mind all the time, all the bad that has gone on again I ask why? Why me? Lonely nights sitting in the dark with a bottle of liquor in my hands drowning in the liquor trying to drink all the pain away, yes still in the dark its better this way. No reflection of myself and nobody looking this way, good do not want any to see me, just drowning. The past is what brings me here always like why? Why this? Why that? Lonely days and nights turn into darkness, depression, anxiety, pain, despair, and sadness. Lonely with tears in my eyes as I ask my self why. A question to my past. Always lonely and in the dark trying to climb out my own head away from the negative thoughts, climb out my depression, away from my past, away from the madness, and from my lonely why.

Thanks for reading.

**updated:12/15/2021**

A Process II: Life

A Process II: Life Happens

You ever had those moments when you just sit back and think about your life? You think of everything and wonder how you got to where you are in life right now. You think about the good and tough times, and you think of if it went a different way how would your life be. If this did not happen or that did not happen. You ever stop for a moment and question yourself. You question the sacrifices you have made; you question your thought process and everything you have done. Sometimes we can not help but to take those trips down memory lane sometimes just to see how far we have come, or to think of happy times. Maybe to keep yourself in check.

That is me today I do not know why just was thinking about my past and where I am at today. I am blessed honestly did not think I will make it this far. It has been a journey and I feel like within the last couple of years I have become a better version of myself, and it was a freaking process, and it was hard. Some days it still is hard. I used to question why I was still here in this world, why I was put here. I questioned so much in my life from childhood, education, lifestyles, and life in general. I do not miss the bad, horrible, and all the ugly shit at all, though it made me stronger seriously can do without it and hate thinking about that stuff. It pops up though. Whatever still healing here. Anyways thinking of how far I have come, and I must say I am satisfied. I have become content with life and happy with my writing when years ago I was afraid to do so. had so many ideas and was scared to put my work out there, so I am happy that I decided to do so. It is time I really make it happen for my family and myself. Continue to work my hardest, get this book done and continue to be the better version of myself. I really need to stop doing so much of questioning myself or maybe reflecting. I do not know just thinking tonight and thinking about my whole life, sometimes I do not know why shit just pops up in my head, and I get frustrated with everything. And then I try to keep myself busy and sometimes that do not work. Life is a process I tell you. I know I am not the only one of course it is this thing we call life. Life happens and there are obstacles. The process of life. Me being me and overthinking…… Of course

Life, Life Life……

Have you ever taken that trip? Down memory lane. Have you just thought about the unknown? Thought what if? Or asked yourself why something happened? Are you an overthinker as well?

Blessings and Love.

Thank you for reading.

More from Ray’Elaine.. Thank you for all the support.

Much Love! 🖤🤎💛💚💙💜❤💖💖💖