Every pain gives a lesson and every lesson changes a person.
Heard this and I do think it is some truth to it. Everything you go through is either a lesson or blessing. It is bad that sometimes pain changes everything about us but we learn from it. Have Strength!!
It has been some days without me writing or actually doing anything. I have been in a bad mood and trying to shake these feelings. This grieving shit is annoying it’s understandable but so annoying. One minute I am okay, able to get things done and I am content, than the next I am a emotional wreck ugh. Wanna just SCREAM. Yes I know it is a process and healing and getting over things take some time. I just hate being emotional and having these feelings. I’m a person who don’t like to show my emotions or feel them uhh. Some days it takes a lot out of me, feel so drained and sad. I know I have to be strong for myself and my family, but it is so hard grieving and being on top of everything. I guess I have to continue to pray and take it one day at a time and trust that it will all get better.
Today I am going to try and stay busy and not think too much on negative things or sad things. Just breathe, relax, and pray. I hope you all have a good day I know I will try too. It’s almost Friday!!!
Today I woke up at 4 in the morning screaming and crying out for my mom. Felt scared and lonely. I miss her so much. Wishing I can give her a call I so bad want to hear her voice. I miss her beautiful smile and being around her. Today is so emotional besides missing and thinking about my mom, I am thinking about 9-11 what happened on this day 20 years ago. I still remember where I was at and what I was doing. So, devastating, I remember that was on my mind for months. So much lost and pain that day. It is a day I feel will always be remembered. Again, today has been emotional and I have been trying to do different things to keep my mind off things. It has been hard and as of right now my hear is heavy and all I want to do is drink the pain away. Just a sad day. Maybe try more writing this evening. I don’t know cannot shake this feeling. Venting and feelings out.
Hope you all are doing okay and having a good day. Praying for us all.
Have you ever felt unhappy, filled with rage? You just want those who hurt you to hurt also. You want them to suffer and feel all the pain you feel plus more. Past pain, relationships, anybody. Sometimes I think of revenge, wanting to inflict torture and pain, to see them squirm, see them feel helpless, powerless, weak, lost, and scared. I want them to feel it all. That is how I am feeling at the moment I know some people can relate and some can’t **Shrugs**. Payback.
It is crazy how they are out living there lives, they suffered no consequences, out and free. And me I feel I am still trapped in that time in that pain. Replaying the shit that was done and it still feels like no time has passed. Crazy world I feel this way and must deal with it every day. Yes, I have been trying to forget it all it is hard some days are way harder than other days. I feel this way towards anyone who brought harm my way no matter who it was or is. I want them to feel what I feel sometimes. Venting like I do and sitting and thinking why they got away with it and why am I still suffering.
Am I the only one who feels this way towards a person or towards people who hurt you? Want to get pass it. And no, I do not understand it at all. Still hurting, forever hurting.
My thoughts tonight people. Hope you have a great one. Please feel free to like, comment, and share. Thank you for reading.
Love This song by Saint Bodhi named hurt like me wanted to share the video. Match the mood I am in tonight Again thank you for reading. Again just my thoughts for the night!
My heart and mind are heavy, my heart hurts. I feel broken and I have been trying to remain positive and pray about my life and the feelings I have. I have made post about being positive and taking care of self, but lately nothing is working for me. I feel so empty and lost. Since my mom has passed away it seems that everything in my life, the past has surfaced. I am constantly thinking of the bad, cruel, and all the shitty things that has happened to me since I was a child hate this feeling and I do not know why everything is coming to mind and heart. I try to keep busy, so I do not think about stuff, but no matter what it happens, I’m thinking and sad and crying. Another thing is the nightmares which that right there is scary some things happened to me, and I still have nightmares about it and also nightmares of me seeing my mom’s lifeless body. That is why I have not been sleeping really. I see my mom and her condition before she passed. I was taking care of her while she was in hospice care from home and watching her day-by-day change and watching her body fail and seeing her take her last breath the look on her face and all, that is what I see when I am trying to sleep. It was so hard to see and horrible going through it. It is still hard for me it has been four months and I’m not over it at all. I do not know what to do. Yes, I am not going to lie I am mad, mad at the world, and mad at myself. I have been feeling like I do not want to be here on this earth. Like, why cannot I shake these feelings, I do not like feeling this way, all I do lately is cry, cry, cry, cry. Why is it so hard? I have been too much in my mind and in the past for some weeks now, and it has me all messed up, very emotional.
Damn what is going on with me? For those who has lost someone how do you go on? How to you heal?
It is hard and I feel very lonely and scared ad mainly scared of myself. Again, trying to make it through the days but it seems my life is spiraling. Sigh, what to do? Letting it all out tonight. My feelings, my thoughts sorry to those who feel it is a dark and negative blog entry. I am my true self and I express my true. Just going through a lot and emotional and need to vent. Thank you for reading.