Tag Archives: Pain

Letting it all out…

Short Stories, thoughts, , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Letting it out…

My heart and mind are heavy, my heart hurts. I feel broken and I have been trying to remain positive and pray about my life and the feelings I have. I have made post about being positive and taking care of self, but lately nothing is working for me. I feel so empty and lost. Since my mom has passed away it seems that everything in my life, the past has surfaced. I am constantly thinking of the bad, cruel, and all the shitty things that has happened to me since I was a child hate this feeling and I do not know why everything is coming to mind and heart. I try to keep busy, so I do not think about stuff, but no matter what it happens, I’m thinking and sad and crying. Another thing is the nightmares which that right there is scary some things happened to me, and I still have nightmares about it and also nightmares of me seeing my mom’s lifeless body. That is why I have not been sleeping really. I see my mom and her condition before she passed. I was taking care of her while she was in hospice care from home and watching her day-by-day change and watching her body fail and seeing her take her last breath the look on her face and all, that is what I see when I am trying to sleep. It was so hard to see and horrible going through it. It is still hard for me it has been 5 years, 5 months, 23 days ago and I’m still not over it at all. I do not know what to do.

Yes, I am not going to lie I am mad, mad at the world, and mad at myself. I have been feeling like I do not want to be here on this earth. Like, why cannot I shake these feelings, I do not like feeling this way, all I do lately is cry, cry, cry, cry. Why is it so hard? I have been too much in my mind and in the past for some weeks now, and it has me all messed up, and very emotional.

Damn, what is going on with me? For those who have lost someone, how do you go on? How to you heal?

It is hard and I feel very lonely and scared ad mainly scared of myself. Again, trying to make it through the days but it seems my life is spiraling. Sigh, what to do? Letting it all out tonight. My feelings, my thoughts sorry to those who feel it is a dark and negative blog entry. I am my true self and I express my true. Just going through a lot and emotional and need to vent. Thank you for reading.

No Way Out

poetry, , , , , , , , , , , ,

Lost in a maze with no escape in sight,

Down and out, trapped in endless night

Madness creeping, clawing at my mind

No hope to find, no way to unwind.

Futile searching for a glimmer of light

But darkness reigns, an eternal blight

No path to follow, no guide to lead

Alone in my despair, consumed by need.

Trapped in a prison of my own device

No key to freedom, no chance to rise

Suffocating in a world of doubt

Seeing no way out, I scream and shout

Blessings and Love!

Thank you for reading.

Love Hurts

Poems, poetry, , , , , , , , , , , , ,

When it hurts so bad

And your world is flipped

Love hurts

Going through the motions

Knowing what the truth is

Love hurts

Trying hard to understand the pain

Understand the how and why

Love hurts

Battling with blaming yourself

Questioning what’s all around you

Love hurts

To move on, like it was nothing

Have to let go no matter what

Love hurts

But you know it’s all good

It’s good for your soul

Still it’s no denying that

Damn

Love Hurts

-Love Hurts-

Blessings and Love!

Thank you for reading.

https://writeblg.com/2024/06/28/hidden-smile

https://writeblg.com/2023/03/31/mad

Slipping

poetry, , , , , , , , , , , , ,

S-Struggle, Spiteful, Stuck
L- Lousy, Losing
I-Impatient
P- Paranoid
P- Poisonous, Pain
I-Incomplete, Imperfect, Insane
N- Numb
G- Gone, Grumpy

Feeling stuck in life, times I want to be spiteful due to my struggles
Slipping
Sometimes I feel like a lousy person who is losing at life
Slipping
So impatient with myself, with everything
Slipping
I’m on edge, constant guard up, and paranoid
Slipping
Been poisoned with hate, hurt, grief, and pain, sometimes the pain is too much to deal with
Slipping
This imperfect self, feeling lost and incomplete. Insane with my thoughts
Slipping
She is numb to it all. It is what it is
Slipping
Lately been grumpy, with no feelings. Drugging and drinking, I’m gone
Damn
I’m
Slipping…..

Blessings and Love!


Thank you for reading.

Grief and Pain 

poetry, , , , , , , , , , ,

Gone are the days of joy and light 

Replaced by shadows endless night 

Every breath is a heavy weight 

Every moment filled with ache 

Fragments of a shattered soul 

Pierced by sorrow never whole 

The agony that knows no end 

Invisible wounds that time won’t mend 

Never-ending silent cries 

Echoing through endless skies 

Tears that fall like summer rain 

Searing heartache endless pain 

-Grief and Pain-

Blessings and Love! 

Thank you for reading.

The Weight of What Was Real!

poetry, , , , , , , , , , , ,

The truth came not as a whisper

Just raw

But a loud thunderclap at dawn

Shattering the silence 

We’d built our lives upon

It wore no mask of mercy

No veil to soften the blow

Just raw

An unvarnished memory 

Of things we didn’t know

It peeled back painted stories

Exposed the hidden seams

Turning lullabies into warnings

And daylight into dreams

We begged it to be more kinder

To lie just one more time

But truth does not negotiate 

With comfort or with crime

It named the ghosts we buried

Uncloaked the quiet pain

And stitched our hearts with needles 

Of loss we can’t explain

Yet in its cruel unveiling

A strange release was found

For trauma born of honesty 

Still walks on solid ground

So let it burn the pages

Let it flood the past with light

Truth may wound without permission

But it never hides from sight!

Blessings and Love!

Thank you for reading.

Mad….

poetry, thoughts, , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Mad at life, mad at the world, mad

The anger within me makes me feel so bad

Why does everything have to be so hard?

Why can’t life just give me a break, a card?

I’m tired of struggling, tired of the pain,

I want to scream, to shout, to break the chains

But instead, I bottle it up, keep it inside

And let the anger fester, grow, and hide.

I know I shouldn’t be so mad at life

But sometimes it feels like an endless strife

I try to find hope, to see the light

But it’s hard to do when everything feels like a fight.

So, I’ll keep on going, keep on trying

And maybe one day, I’ll stop my crying

Until then, I’ll be mad at life, mad at the world, mad

And hope that someday, things won’t be so bad.

-MAD-

***A Poem***

Blessings and Love!

Thank you for reading.

Truth Set Me Free

Short Stories, thoughts, , , , , , , , , ,

(Ask and you shall receive)

Thinking back to almost two years ago and last year, I asked God for signs, for assurance. I asked God many times if this was the right situation for me. I had no answers for months to a year. I started to feel good, started to feel all was good. I was finally happy with someone who I thought was all for me. When you get too comfortable with life, that’s when truth slaps you. Slaps you hard, has you dazed and very much confused, and that I was. I was talking to this guy for almost two years and thought it was great. I thought I was in love and in happiness, and it all changed. I found some things out last year after already talking to him for about 15 months. I found out that he was lying to me and was lying about a lot. Damn. I didn’t even have his real name. again Damn…

So, there I go down the rabbit hole with me doing research and coming to the conclusion that he was not for me, and I was not for him. After a year and two months of not talking to him, I am still in disbelief, still in pain. I mean, my heart really hurts. Though it may seem like it was easy for me to let go and walk away, it wasn’t, and it’s still not. I stopped answering text and phone calls, and sometimes, still to this day, he contacts me. I know I have to be strong. I now know that I am better off without this person in my life. Again, I am still hurting and really mad. At the same time, I am thankful and grateful that I found out everything that I did and made the right decision for my life. I asked and I received. It may not have been the moment I asked or days and months later, but it was answered. God works on his timing, and maybe I had to go through all the motions to get to this place. I am still healing, just another thing I need to heal from, but it is all good. The truth set me free and brought clarity to me. Forever grateful. I asked and I received, and the truth set me free.

      -Truth Set Me Free-

Blessings and Love!

Thank you for reading.

Hiding..

poetry, , , , , , , , , ,

In the faint shadows, where the sun’s rays fade

I hide my struggles, my pains, and my tears

In the twilight’s shade

Beneath the surface, where no light can seep

Lies a world of secrets. In silence, they creep

By day, I wear a mask of calm and grace

A smile so bright, no trace of inner space

But within my heart, a tempest swirls and roars

A storm is unseen behind closed doors

Each step I take, a dance upon the wire

Balancing my fears, a tightrope of desire

In the mirror’s gaze, I see a face so strong

Yet profound inside, I know where I belong

In the night, when stars begin to gleam

I find solace in my hidden dream

In the darkness, my soul can be

A whispered truth, a silent plea

I carry on, with courage undefined

Hiding my struggles in the corners of my mind

In this journey, I will find my way

And in the light, I’ll stand one day

-Hiding-

Blessings and Love!

Thank you for reading.

Hidden Smile