Every pain gives a lesson and every lesson changes a person.
Heard this, and I do think it is some truth to it. Everything you go through is either a lesson or a blessing. It is bad that sometimes pain changes everything about us, but we learn from it. Have Strength!!
Want to say Happy Heavenly Birthday to my mom. Even though I am sad and still hurt that she is not here I am going to be strong today. Do my writing like I know she wants me to continue to do. Really wish I can hear her voice but again I am going to make it through this day with happy memories of her. Missing her so much and still praying for healing and strength. I love and miss you, mom. Just Showing love to my mom. And know strength is needed badly. Prayers going up
Have you ever felt unhappy, filled with rage? You just want those who hurt you to hurt also. You want them to suffer and feel all the pain you feel plus more. Past pain, relationships, anybody. Sometimes I think of revenge, wanting to inflict torture and pain, to see them squirm, see them feel helpless, powerless, weak, lost, and scared. I want them to feel it all. That is how I am feeling at the moment I know some people can relate and some can’t **Shrugs**. Payback.
It is crazy how they are out living there lives, they suffered no consequences, out and free. And me I feel I am still trapped in that time in that pain. Replaying the shit that was done and it still feels like no time has passed. Crazy world I feel this way and must deal with it every day. Yes, I have…
Grief is hard to deal with and it is a stressful and overwhelming prolonged process, depending on the person. Grief can take over sometimes. Dealing with the stages of grief acceptance, denial, depression, anger, bargaining, and shock leaves a person feeling down and lost and sometimes no sense of direction when dealing with it all. These stages come to you at any given time. Grieving and feeling like maybe you could have done something different is so draining. Just want to talk about it. Something everyone experienced and would like to share mine.
It has been nine and a half months since my mom has passed. I have often shared my feelings on it on this blog. I am still healing. There have been some really bad and dark days where I did not know what was going to happen to myself or if I would make it through the day. Some days I think of the happy memories and sometimes that helps deal with the pain of it all. Often question why and ask for understanding. I tell you this grieving thing is hard. Thoughts and feelings just pop up at any time and no matter how hard I try to stop the feeling it just does not work at times, guess that is life. Holidays are extremely hard and emotional my mom was a person who was big on holidays and always wanted to celebrate. She would make her own decorations art and craft was her hobby, she loved making pinatas, especially for her grandkid’s birthdays. During holidays and birthdays, I have to try and remember the 4 R’s which are to relax, re-orient, rely, and remember and try to be calm and positive. Yeah, so some days I think of all that and how it is no more of that. This grief thing is tricky you think you are okay and then you are not. I do write about my feelings on it a lot because writing is an outlet and the feelings are so strong and I do not have anyone to talk to but my notebooks, and blog. It is weird how some places I do not want to go to because they were her favorite places to go and shop or eat. Do yall think that is crazy? I try some days to overcome it, but it is a challenge I get anxious. And not to mention I grieve over my grandma still who passed when I was about 12 or 13, we were close, so I am always thinking about them both and I know they are together in heaven.
I know in life we will experience the loss of a loved one or any type of loss. That does not mean it is easy to get over, it seems like it gets worse I am constantly thinking about her and wanting to talk to her. Man, grief sucks a lot and I freaking hate it. Another reason I like to write about it is that if I stopped writing my mom will be highly upset, she was a big supporter she wanted me to write her life story and, she had ideas to do books for kids. I miss her so much and our talks. my writing comes from my grandma she uses to write poetry and I use to read them and wanted to start writing on my own. Grief Sucks yeah, I will keep stating that
I know for a fact of course in this life and world that I am not alone dealing with loss and grief. It is not easy at all. Especially still having to work and take care of my family, I feel so empty sometimes and often want to be alone in my bed. Not only do I have to deal with just my feelings on the loss but my kid’s and siblings’ feelings also. Have to make sure they are doing okay. It gets hard, I am still hurt and feel confused, feel pained. Again, grief sucks a lot
I pray we all heal from losing someone, I pray we have the strength to make it through those tough days. I pray we find peace and happiness as we are healing. Must take it slow and give yourself time to fully understand everything. Just wanted to touch on this topic I know that people do not like to deal with it or maybe hear about it. But it is a part of life whether we like it or not. Again, to those grieving, I pray for you and your family. Praying helps and with time heals. One day at a time……Damn loss and grief
Blessings and Love!
Thank you for reading
**Honestly not that long of a post and this really took me three days to write..**
It has been some days without me writing or actually doing anything. I have been in a bad mood and trying to shake these feelings. This grieving shit is annoying it’s understandable but so annoying. One minute I am okay, able to get things done and I am content, than the next I am a emotional wreck ugh. Wanna just SCREAM. Yes I know it is a process and healing and getting over things take some time. I just hate being emotional and having these feelings. I’m a person who don’t like to show my emotions or feel them uhh. Some days it takes a lot out of me, feel so drained and sad. I know I have to be strong for myself and my family, but it is so hard grieving and being on top of everything. I guess I have to continue to pray and take it one day at a time and trust that it will all get better.
Today I am going to try and stay busy and not think too much on negative things or sad things. Just breathe, relax, and pray. I hope you all have a good day I know I will try too. It’s almost Friday!!!