Really hate when I try my hardest to get over someone who my feelings were too involved with. Had strong feelings for them and I feel used, I feel uneasy. Seems like they really did not care about me, do not love me the way they said SMH. Been four months since I have heard from this person. But now he is trying to reach out to me. Like why? I am so pissed right now and yes; I am having a little anxiety. Have posted to my blog in the past about this person. No, it is not the first time he has just out of nowhere stopped talking to me. This is a cycle ugh and me do not like it at all. I do not understand it, maybe because twice already I have allowed it. Thinking he is already in a relationship and just talking to me for his convenience. In the past I did have feelings and wanted to give it another chance and that lasted all but three freaking months and not really with consistency. Here I go questioning myself and feeling confused and lost. So over it, told myself the last time that if he did it again that it would be done. I am standing on that. Cannot keep putting my love, my feelings, my soul, my mind, myself out there for people to keep hurting me, laughing at me. Especially when I am already going through so much stuff. Do not need the extra stress in my life.
Whew, breathe had to pause and write about this because it bothers me badly and you know that I like to write about how I feel. Let it all out. **Shrugs** SMH thinking damn again, why? What do he want from me? I know I am not the only one who have been here before. Hate when my feelings are strong and for the wrong freaking person. Now he misses me and want me, sending a lot of messages since Sunday evening. Need a drink something strong. It makes no sense. Was having a good day until this BS, UGH. Going to keep breathing and calm myself and focus on my writings. Try not to let it really get under my skin cause really have harsh ass words for him.
My feelings and venting are out and done, my bad if its too much for you all. Again, I vent and keep it real. He deserves my fist to his face seriously. Whew breathe again.
Am I crazy? The only one? Why? Hope your day and night was better.
Never lower yourself for a person who shows and or tell you that they do not care for or love you
Never stay stuck in an unpleasant situation if it’s bad leave (Easier said than done)
I know, try to get out of it no matter what
Never say yes when deep down inside and in your mind, you want and need to say no
Never lower yourself/expectations based on what others think or what other want
Never pretend to be someone else.
Never change yourself for someone. You are enough the way you are
Never worry about what they say worry about you
Never give up on yourself know that you are loved
Know that you are worthy, you got it
Never give them the satisfaction of seeing you down and out
Chin up move forward
Chin up be STRONG
Never be Un-YOU
I say never to many things. I have been there before a dark place. Loving and giving my all to a person who showed me they didn’t give a damn about me and what I was going through and at that time in my life it was too much going on. A person showed me their true self and it took a while to realize and understand it all. Was just giving and giving and I was only receiving heartache from family and friends smh. It was not good. I say never again
Have a good one. Love, Peace, Happiness, and Blessings all
Okay, so an update, my mom’s family decided and made a decision I’m sure a really hard one and took my grandpa off life support earlier today. R.I.P. to my grandpa I can not lie and say I am doing okay. I am in breakdown mode. He and my mom are together, and I know they will continue to watch over me and be with me. I am sad and just down, very down. Seriously I cannot concentrate, and again like I stated in my blog earlier my emotions are everywhere. WTF and my mind is going miles. Kind of pissed I had to find out on Facebook but I know people are going through it and feeling the loss and grief so I can not take it too personally and take it for what it is. Such a sad night and sorry for the negative post. Your girl is just going through a lot right now and no lie feel like losing it.
Smoking and drinking(Yeah some do not agree and so what), trying to feel numb that is my night, my mood and honestly, I do not care. Craziness… Too much going on. For real I am kind of panicking. Yeah, such a damn day and night.
She venting AGAIN
Love you all and hope your night is better
Again, praying for my family. Strength, guidance, healing, protection, and love.
Want to say Happy Heavenly Birthday to my mom. Even though I am sad and still hurt that she is not here I am going to be strong today. Do my writing like I know she wants me to continue to do. Really wish I can hear her voice but again I am going to make it through this day with happy memories of her. Missing her so much and still praying for healing and strength. I love and miss you, mom. Just Showing love to my mom. And know strength is needed badly. Prayers going up