It has been some days without me writing or actually doing anything. I have been in a bad mood and trying to shake these feelings. This grieving shit is annoying it’s understandable but so annoying. One minute I am okay, able to get things done and I am content, than the next I am a emotional wreck ugh. Wanna just SCREAM. Yes I know it is a process and healing and getting over things take some time. I just hate being emotional and having these feelings. I’m a person who don’t like to show my emotions or feel them uhh. Some days it takes a lot out of me, feel so drained and sad. I know I have to be strong for myself and my family, but it is so hard grieving and being on top of everything. I guess I have to continue to pray and take it one day at a time and trust that it will all get better.
Today I am going to try and stay busy and not think too much on negative things or sad things. Just breathe, relax, and pray. I hope you all have a good day I know I will try too. It’s almost Friday!!!
Have you ever met somebody, and you hit it off, and you two get along? The good conversations, then boom it freaking ends. Ugh I hate that. That is why I try not to get too attached and get my feelings involved, because people will switch up and change on you. Like do not introduce me to that if you cannot keep it up. I do not like the “oh I will talk to you only on my time” which is when or who knows when can you say irritated? I like consistency is that hard to ask for? I also do not like my time wasted that is so annoying or do not like my damn feelings hurt. These days it is so hard to find a nice genuine person like myself. Maybe I will take a seat and focus on me. Time to myself and not worrying about pleasing the next person. I really liked the person but oh well what can you do? I will move on and let it go. Whatever. Wasted my damn time, SMH
Sometimes I hate that I am so guarded, and I keep everything in. emotions are bottled up and I do not show that side of me. I do not fully put my feelings out there because I have feelings of being wronged and hurt. I do not like to love and be vulnerable, people will use that against you. That is why I guard my mind and my heart. It is true that I can be afraid of rejection. I do not trust easily either I have major trust issues and I know that is holding me back, but I cannot just fully put my trust in others. I am also guarded because I feel like people have negative motives, and I do not like that shit. I am guarded because I have not healed from my past, I need to let go and move on. Is it bad that I cannot let my guard down? Working on changing that, maybe just do not want to get hurt anymore I’ so freaking over it. I am just thinking out loud, my crazy thoughts. SMH it how I am feeling though. My heart is guarded. I need help!
Thank you for reading, please feel free to like, comment, and share.
Want to blog about liars, lying. Why is it that people lie so much. Like why especially when they lie over stuff so small or lie just because. People go around putting on fronts or I like to call it their mask. They lie about who they are, they identity. Or lie about any and everything. Yes, I know that it happens a lot and I just be thinking and wondering why they do it. It is something that I truly do not understand at all. Maybe because I am an honest person no matter the situation, I will always be honest with people. Why? Because I do not like to be lied to that shit hurts. So, I wouldn’t lie to others just because I can and get away with it smh. I have heard that some people do it to avoid hurting someone but lies make everything worse. Well, that is what I think. It is such a big deal in any type of relationship you or in whether it is family or friends a lie is a freaking lie and can be wrong like seriously. I think some people do not realize it maybe because they are all about themselves and don’t care. How hard is it to be upfront and honest about who you are and what you are about. Again, something I don’t understand and probably never will. Thought about writing about lying because I am currently dealing with it, so many people around me who does it a lot and it is super annoying. Something I explain to my kids about honest and integrity. Your presents and words can concern others. It is okay to be honest and be yourself. Do you agree? Have you dealt with a person who constantly lies? How did you deal with it? Again, people why lie? Annoyed seriously
Thinking, venting of course too much shady shit going on and I do not like it. Time for changes, change the untrustworthy people around me. Please feel free to like, comment, and share.
Today I woke up at 4 in the morning screaming and crying out for my mom. Felt scared and lonely. I miss her so much. Wishing I can give her a call I so bad want to hear her voice. I miss her beautiful smile and being around her. Today is so emotional besides missing and thinking about my mom, I am thinking about 9-11 what happened on this day 20 years ago. I still remember where I was at and what I was doing. So, devastating, I remember that was on my mind for months. So much lost and pain that day. It is a day I feel will always be remembered. Again, today has been emotional and I have been trying to do different things to keep my mind off things. It has been hard and as of right now my hear is heavy and all I want to do is drink the pain away. Just a sad day. Maybe try more writing this evening. I don’t know cannot shake this feeling. Venting and feelings out.
Hope you all are doing okay and having a good day. Praying for us all.
Never lower yourself for a person who shows and or tell you that they do not care for or love you
Never stay stuck in an unpleasant situation if it’s bad leave (Easier said than done)
I know, try to get out of it no matter what
Never say yes when deep down inside and in your mind, you want and need to say no
Never lower yourself/expectations based on what others think or what other want
Never pretend to be someone else.
Never change yourself for someone. You are enough the way you are
Never worry about what they say worry about you
Never give up on yourself know that you are loved
Know that you are worthy, you got it
Never give them the satisfaction of seeing you down and out
Chin up move forward
Chin up be STRONG
Never be Un-YOU
I say never to many things. I have been there before a dark place. Loving and giving my all to a person who showed me they didn’t give a damn about me and what I was going through and at that time in my life it was too much going on. A person showed me their true self and it took a while to realize and understand it all. Was just giving and giving and I was only receiving heartache from family and friends smh. It was not good. I say never again
Have a good one. Love, Peace, Happiness, and Blessings all
I know your supposed to forgive people and move on with life. Yeah, that is hard to do, well for me it is. Why? Because all I think about is how a person did me wrong or harmed me, and then I do not know why they did it. I am left feeling lost and confused. I have a hard time forgetting the past and forgiving those in my past, I mean all of it all the bad and that is probable my biggest problem I feel like I still live in the past and that is not cool. I try to forget about it, but pain and anger will not let me, I do not know why I am still this way, I try to not think about stuff. This is something I am working on I need to let it all go and really move on with my life. Try not to seek revenge and be happy with my life. Try to forgive those who has brought harm my way.
I heard that by forgiving a person you help yourself. You can release the emotions it can bring by holding on to it and it helps with built up anger. You are not doing any good by holding on to the hurt. I pray that I can forgive people because this feeling of holding on or wanting to hurt back is not good. I am learning day by day how to forgive.
Have you felt like you could not forgive someone? Was it hard to forgive? What do you think?