Tag Archives: hurt

Boxed In

Inside the box

That they want you in

Feel funny

Not right

You not you

Them not really who they say

They are

Chaos

All around

In this box

Cornered

Scared

Hopeless

You not you

Them not what they say

In this little box

I suffer

I am quiet

Do what they want

It is their show

In this box

Sit still

No movement

Mind constantly going

Closed in

What is to come

In this box

Afraid

Lost

Find a way out

Screaming in this box

Let me out

You not you

Them not who they say

What to do in

This box

Let it be

Not say a word

Silence

Do not Speak

Keep it hush

You not you

Them not who they say

Can I trust me

Can I trust them

This box I

Am in

Will it be

My life

My sanity

This box

Take ownership

All on me

Pain, hurt, brainwashed

Happy pretending

Will I let them get away?

Do they win?

In this box

Alone

Or

Will I fight

Fight to

Get out this

Box

Confined

Struggling

Speaking but not heard

Will be weak no more

Awake

Ready

Scream, fight shout

My way

Out this

Box.

You not you

Them not who they say

This box

Me in it

Will go away.

I say think above it all

I say fuck that box

I survive,

That box can suck it!

Thank you for reading.

**A Poem**

Boxed in… No Thanks

Loss and Grief

Loss and Grief.

Why?

Grief is hard to deal with and it is a stressful and overwhelming prolonged process, depending on the person. Grief can take over sometimes. Dealing with the stages of grief acceptance, denial, depression, anger, bargaining, and shock leaves a person feeling down and lost and sometimes no sense of direction when dealing with it all. These stages come to you at any given time. Grieving and feeling like maybe you could have done something different is so draining. Just want to talk about it. Something everyone experienced and would like to share mine.

It has been nine and a half months since my mom has passed. I have often shared my feelings on it on this blog. I am still healing. There have been some really bad and dark days where I did not know what was going to happen to myself or if I would make it through the day. Some days I think of the happy memories and sometimes that helps deal with the pain of it all. Often question why and ask for understanding. I tell you this grieving thing is hard. Thoughts and feelings just pop up at any time and no matter how hard I try to stop the feeling it just does not work at times, guess that is life. Holidays are extremely hard and emotional my mom was a person who was big on holidays and always wanted to celebrate. She would make her own decorations art and craft was her hobby, she loved making pinatas, especially for her grandkid’s birthdays. During holidays and birthdays, I have to try and remember the 4 R’s which are to relax, re-orient, rely, and remember and try to be calm and positive. Yeah, so some days I think of all that and how it is no more of that. This grief thing is tricky you think you are okay and then you are not. I do write about my feelings on it a lot because writing is an outlet and the feelings are so strong and I do not have anyone to talk to but my notebooks, and blog. It is weird how some places I do not want to go to because they were her favorite places to go and shop or eat. Do yall think that is crazy? I try some days to overcome it, but it is a challenge I get anxious. And not to mention I grieve over my grandma still who passed when I was about 12 or 13, we were close, so I am always thinking about them both and I know they are together in heaven.

I know in life we will experience the loss of a loved one or any type of loss. That does not mean it is easy to get over, it seems like it gets worse I am constantly thinking about her and wanting to talk to her. Man, grief sucks a lot and I freaking hate it. Another reason I like to write about it is that if I stopped writing my mom will be highly upset, she was a big supporter she wanted me to write her life story and, she had ideas to do books for kids. I miss her so much and our talks. my writing comes from my grandma she uses to write poetry and I use to read them and wanted to start writing on my own.  Grief Sucks yeah, I will keep stating that

I know for a fact of course in this life and world that I am not alone dealing with loss and grief. It is not easy at all. Especially still having to work and take care of my family, I feel so empty sometimes and often want to be alone in my bed. Not only do I have to deal with just my feelings on the loss but my kid’s and siblings’ feelings also. Have to make sure they are doing okay. It gets hard, I am still hurt and feel confused, feel pained. Again, grief sucks a lot

I pray we all heal from losing someone, I pray we have the strength to make it through those tough days. I pray we find peace and happiness as we are healing. Must take it slow and give yourself time to fully understand everything. Just wanted to touch on this topic I know that people do not like to deal with it or maybe hear about it. But it is a part of life whether we like it or not. Again, to those grieving, I pray for you and your family.  Praying helps and with time heals. One day at a time……Damn loss and grief

Blessings and Love!

Thank you for reading

**Honestly not that long of a post and this really took me three days to write..**

Deceit.

Deceit

When you hear the word deceit what does it mean to you? 

How does deceit make you feel? 

Why does it make some of us pained? 

Well, it is hurtful to get deceived and constantly being lied to, when you are a good person and love hard. Someone who is willing to lie, cheat, and steal to hurt you and they know that what they are doing is hurting you that person is leading with deceit they are so deceitful. Hiding their true intentions with the lies, sweet talk, gifts, and all the fake love they give. I have been in certain situations when a person was deceitful and wanted to bring harm to me and I was being nice, maybe stupid by loving them and was getting used the whole time. Yes, thankful I found out when I did.  

Some people are just that way and nothing we can do about it but leave them alone. Especially when you start to see the signs, it is best to leave. I wish I can get inside people head to see what they are really thinking and to somewhat better understand and deal with them. Because right now I just do not understand why people like that do it. Yeah, I know its apart of life, a part of learning lessons. I know some like to lie and be deceitful just to see what they can get away with it. Some see it as a job deceiving, scamming, to make money. Man, these people and their deceitful ways smh..  

Sometimes we feel so hurt by deceit and that is where the trusting others come in. Being aware of who and what is around us. People will try you suck you dry verbally, emotionally, physical, and financial. Craziness, right? You must learn from those past deceitful situations, and that can be hard sometimes.  

My feeling/thoughts tonight… My wondering mind lol. F Deceit!

Blessings All! 

Thank you for reading. 

Secrets….

Secrets

Hold it in

Walk around with the hurt

Pain, and More Pain

Keep it inside

Secrets

Hold it in

Sometimes wearing that

Fake smile

Keep it inside

Secrets

Hold it in

Let it destroy you

Bury it

In your soul

In your heart

In your mind

Bury it deep

Under

Keep it inside

Damn secrets

Hold it in

Be brave

Be quiet

Be scared

It is what they want

Keep it inside

Secrets

Hold it in

Or

Let it out

Scream it out

Keep it inside

Or

Take your life back

Stand up

Hold it in

No LONGER

Keep it inside

I Will NOT

Secrets

They will sometimes hold you back

Holding it in

Keeping it inside

But

Sometimes

Secrets become known

Damn secrets.

Thank you for reading.

***Just A POEM!***

Please feel free to comment and share your thoughts!

Ray’Elaine Just Write and Be YOU!!! 🖤🖤

COLD

Cold

Cold like the wind

Heart chilled, cool, cold

Shut off from me, you, the world

Standing still, stiff body, damn cold

Pitch black, where am I, nothing around

Iciness, trembling body, I’m cold

What is going on? Damn, freezing

Am I coming or going?

Maybe So.......

Damn I am cold

Thank You For Reading!!

****Just a poem!****

Rage – Just Write (writeblg.com)

Rage II – Just Write (writeblg.com)

Wrath

W- Weary, Wrong, Wildness

R- Ready, Ripe, Rage

Angry, Antsy, Abandon, Annoyance

T- Temper, Tension, Tantrum, Thoroughbred

H- Hot-Head, Honest, Hostile, Heartless

WRATH

A sin, this I know

Sometimes I let my wrath be

Shown

I can be wild with it

Wrath got me feeling

Raged, feeling I must be ready for anything

This wrath is

Known

The feeling of being wronged

And abandoned damn

This temper is at a high

Oh no

Here she is being hot headed

This wrath got me

Blown

Away with how

Heartless I can be

Coldness with honesty attached

Me filled with annoyance

Wrath got me feeling

Alone

Tension built up

Feeling

Hostile, weary

Sometimes so angry

Oh no

Here homegirl go with the

Tantrums

Wrath I see dark, want to hunt, and hurt

Wrath in play

Please move out the way

Wrath

A sin I know

Feeling the wrath

Something I am working on.

Blessings and Love

Thank you for reading.