Okay, so an update, my mom’s family decided and made a decision I’m sure a really hard one and took my grandpa off life support earlier today. R.I.P. to my grandpa I can not lie and say I am doing okay. I am in breakdown mode. He and my mom are together, and I know they will continue to watch over me and be with me. I am sad and just down, very down. Seriously I cannot concentrate, and again like I stated in my blog earlier my emotions are everywhere. WTF and my mind is going miles. Kind of pissed I had to find out on Facebook but I know people are going through it and feeling the loss and grief so I can not take it too personally and take it for what it is. Such a sad night and sorry for the negative post. Your girl is just going through a lot right now and no lie feel like losing it.
Smoking and drinking(Yeah some do not agree and so what), trying to feel numb that is my night, my mood and honestly, I do not care. Craziness… Too much going on. For real I am kind of panicking. Yeah, such a damn day and night.
She venting AGAIN
Love you all and hope your night is better
Again, praying for my family. Strength, guidance, healing, protection, and love.
Want to say Happy Heavenly Birthday to my mom. Even though I am sad and still hurt that she is not here I am going to be strong today. Do my writing like I know she wants me to continue to do. Really wish I can hear her voice but again I am going to make it through this day with happy memories of her. Missing her so much and still praying for healing and strength. I love and miss you, mom. Just Showing love to my mom. And know strength is needed badly. Prayers going up
Sometimes having a listening ear to vent is everything. A friend who is always there
Well too bad I have neither. Well, my notebook lol
My fellow bloggers/readers yall know I am always in my feelings though it is a reason for it
Given the month it is and the month coming up. No doubt I will need the strength to make it through. Days coming up will be hard and a struggle and I am going to try my hardest to get through it. I just know emotions, memories, and everything will come back up. Missing mom and trying to keep it all together. And lonely. Feel like rainy days ahead
Tonight, I am wishing I had a friend just need someone right now I guess, and with me, that does not happen often. I usually tend to vent here and my notebook and my sister, but no one else face to face. Or I sometimes keep the worst inside and not speak a word about it. Maybe I am a damn difficult person. Thankful for this blog and support. Just like to vent and let it out of course and wish it was more people in my life that genuinely care. Again just need a friend and a listening ear right now. Okay! Breathe… Can’t believe I am rambling on about not having friends. LOL Crazy!! Then again, it’s how I feel tonight. Have a good one.
How has the weekend been to you? Ready for the week ahead?
Grief is hard to deal with and it is a stressful and overwhelming prolonged process, depending on the person. Grief can take over sometimes. Dealing with the stages of grief acceptance, denial, depression, anger, bargaining, and shock leaves a person feeling down and lost and sometimes no sense of direction when dealing with it all. These stages come to you at any given time. Grieving and feeling like maybe you could have done something different is so draining. Just want to talk about it. Something everyone experienced and would like to share mine.
It has been nine and a half months since my mom has passed. I have often shared my feelings on it on this blog. I am still healing. There have been some really bad and dark days where I did not know what was going to happen to myself or if I would make it through the day. Some days I think of the happy memories and sometimes that helps deal with the pain of it all. Often question why and ask for understanding. I tell you this grieving thing is hard. Thoughts and feelings just pop up at any time and no matter how hard I try to stop the feeling it just does not work at times, guess that is life. Holidays are extremely hard and emotional my mom was a person who was big on holidays and always wanted to celebrate. She would make her own decorations art and craft was her hobby, she loved making pinatas, especially for her grandkid’s birthdays. During holidays and birthdays, I have to try and remember the 4 R’s which are to relax, re-orient, rely, and remember and try to be calm and positive. Yeah, so some days I think of all that and how it is no more of that. This grief thing is tricky you think you are okay and then you are not. I do write about my feelings on it a lot because writing is an outlet and the feelings are so strong and I do not have anyone to talk to but my notebooks, and blog. It is weird how some places I do not want to go to because they were her favorite places to go and shop or eat. Do yall think that is crazy? I try some days to overcome it, but it is a challenge I get anxious. And not to mention I grieve over my grandma still who passed when I was about 12 or 13, we were close, so I am always thinking about them both and I know they are together in heaven.
I know in life we will experience the loss of a loved one or any type of loss. That does not mean it is easy to get over, it seems like it gets worse I am constantly thinking about her and wanting to talk to her. Man, grief sucks a lot and I freaking hate it. Another reason I like to write about it is that if I stopped writing my mom will be highly upset, she was a big supporter she wanted me to write her life story and, she had ideas to do books for kids. I miss her so much and our talks. my writing comes from my grandma she uses to write poetry and I use to read them and wanted to start writing on my own. Grief Sucks yeah, I will keep stating that
I know for a fact of course in this life and world that I am not alone dealing with loss and grief. It is not easy at all. Especially still having to work and take care of my family, I feel so empty sometimes and often want to be alone in my bed. Not only do I have to deal with just my feelings on the loss but my kid’s and siblings’ feelings also. Have to make sure they are doing okay. It gets hard, I am still hurt and feel confused, feel pained. Again, grief sucks a lot
I pray we all heal from losing someone, I pray we have the strength to make it through those tough days. I pray we find peace and happiness as we are healing. Must take it slow and give yourself time to fully understand everything. Just wanted to touch on this topic I know that people do not like to deal with it or maybe hear about it. But it is a part of life whether we like it or not. Again, to those grieving, I pray for you and your family. Praying helps and with time heals. One day at a time……Damn loss and grief
Blessings and Love!
Thank you for reading
**Honestly not that long of a post and this really took me three days to write..**
How was everyone’s Thanksgiving? Mine was okay just me and my kids most of the day then my sister visited for a little bit. I thought I was going to have a full breakdown this morning. First Thanksgiving without my mom and I was just hurting when I woke up. Ugh really miss her and of course, wanted to call and hear her voice badly. Got myself together though throughout the day and cooked for my kids and I was happy, and I am thankful to have them in my life. So today was okay. Hope you and your families enjoyed the day and got to spend the day with the ones you love. Well back to writing for my book just wanted to make a post and see how everyone is doing today. Hope your night is great and I thank you for reading.