So today I am trying to keep it all together I have been praying all night as well as this morning. I am in a mood this morning and trying to shake these feelings but man nothing is helping at the moment, I know it is morning, but I really want a few drinks just to feel a little numb. On my mom’s side of the family her dad, my grandpa is on life support, and I am feeling down and depressed about it. The last time I have seen him was around this time last year when I went with my mom to Kansas City, Missouri to see her family before she passed. I am at a loss right now and maybe feeling a little guilty for not talking to him or seeing him sooner. I feel bad and beating myself up about it. He is a good man and been good to his family.
Got that news yesterday as well as news of my uncle on my dad side, his big brother is not feeling well and might be going to hospice due to kidney failure which is what my mom dealt with and she died of kidney failure, which in two weeks it will be a year since she passed. She is always on my mind and often want her. So much is going on with me right now, just want to escape it all. Praying for all my family and hoping things get better. It just seems like it is always something especially when I am trying to overcome things of the past. Ugh, today is not a good one, hopefully, I can get over it all. This post is nothing new about my feelings its just I feel it is too much at one time and I feel hopeless, lost, and scared. So tired of losses Damn. Might have to take a trip to Kansas City, Missouri to see family and give my support to my family.
I am sad, hurt, emotions all over the place.
Just wanted to come and vent my heart is heavy all over again and still thinking about my mom so I’m just a lost cause today. Please pray for me. Thank you all for the support and reading my blog I know I tend to just ramble.
Today I woke up at 4 in the morning screaming and crying out for my mom. Felt scared and lonely. I miss her so much. Wishing I can give her a call I so bad want to hear her voice. I miss her beautiful smile and being around her. Today is so emotional besides missing and thinking about my mom, I am thinking about 9-11 what happened on this day 20 years ago. I still remember where I was at and what I was doing. So, devastating, I remember that was on my mind for months. So much lost and pain that day. It is a day I feel will always be remembered. Again, today has been emotional and I have been trying to do different things to keep my mind off things. It has been hard and as of right now my hear is heavy and all I want to do is drink the pain away. Just a sad day. Maybe try more writing this evening. I don’t know cannot shake this feeling. Venting and feelings out.
Hope you all are doing okay and having a good day. Praying for us all.
Ugh this night is not going good. I am emotional and lonely. Wish I had someone to hold me tight right now. Just really want love right now. Mind is going miles. So much inside ugh. No one to talk to about it. I feel hopeless and scared and ALONE. I try not to think about certain stuff but it happens. It happens at weird times and I just cry. This night is bad and tomorrow marks one month since mom passed. Super emotional tonight. Ugh. Help. Oh man..... BREATHE, BREATHE, BREATHE
Hopefully rest will help. Hope you all are having a great night and weekend. Praying for all. Going to pray through these feelings and though times. Sorry for a sad post I'm getting my thoughts out! I have to be strong, I have too. Wishing you all Love, Peace, Happiness, and Blessings! 💙💙🖤🖤