Tag Archives: Sad

Not the day.

So today I am trying to keep it all together I have been praying all night as well as this morning. I am in a mood this morning and trying to shake these feelings but man nothing is helping at the moment, I know it is morning, but I really want a few drinks just to feel a little numb. On my mom’s side of the family her dad, my grandpa is on life support, and I am feeling down and depressed about it. The last time I have seen him was around this time last year when I went with my mom to Kansas City, Missouri to see her family before she passed. I am at a loss right now and maybe feeling a little guilty for not talking to him or seeing him sooner. I feel bad and beating myself up about it. He is a good man and been good to his family.

Got that news yesterday as well as news of my uncle on my dad side, his big brother is not feeling well and might be going to hospice due to kidney failure which is what my mom dealt with and she died of kidney failure, which in two weeks it will be a year since she passed. She is always on my mind and often want her. So much is going on with me right now, just want to escape it all. Praying for all my family and hoping things get better. It just seems like it is always something especially when I am trying to overcome things of the past. Ugh, today is not a good one, hopefully, I can get over it all. This post is nothing new about my feelings its just I feel it is too much at one time and I feel hopeless, lost, and scared. So tired of losses Damn. Might have to take a trip to Kansas City, Missouri to see family and give my support to my family.

I am sad, hurt, emotions all over the place.

Just wanted to come and vent my heart is heavy all over again and still thinking about my mom so I’m just a lost cause today. Please pray for me. Thank you all for the support and reading my blog I know I tend to just ramble.

Praying for better days…..

Blessings and Love

Thank you for reading.


Want to say Happy Heavenly Birthday to my mom. Even though I am sad and still hurt that she is not here I am going to be strong today. Do my writing like I know she wants me to continue to do. Really wish I can hear her voice but again I am going to make it through this day with happy memories of her. Missing her so much and still praying for healing and strength. I love and miss you, mom. Just Showing love to my mom. And know strength is needed badly. Prayers going up

Blessings all

Thank you for reading.

Forever LOVE

My Lonely Why…

My lonely Why

Lonely days with nothing but these thoughts, bad ones, negative ones oh man. Sitting in the dark trying to block out everything wondering why. That is what is mostly on my mind all the time, all the bad that has gone on again I ask why? Why me? Lonely nights sitting in the dark with a bottle of liquor in my hands drowning in the liquor trying to drink all the pain away, yes still in the dark its better this way. No reflection of myself and nobody looking this way, good do not want any to see me, just drowning. The past is what brings me here always like why? Why this? Why that? Lonely days and nights turn into darkness, depression, anxiety, pain, despair, and sadness. Lonely with tears in my eyes as I ask my self why. A question to my past. Always lonely and in the dark trying to climb out my own head away from the negative thoughts, climb out my depression, away from my past, away from the madness, and from my lonely why.

Thanks for reading.


A Process…

Hello all

It has been some days without me writing or actually doing anything. I have been in a bad mood and trying to shake these feelings. This grieving shit is annoying it’s understandable but so annoying. One minute I am okay, able to get things done and I am content, than the next I am a emotional wreck ugh. Wanna just SCREAM. Yes I know it is a process and healing and getting over things take some time. I just hate being emotional and having these feelings. I’m a person who don’t like to show my emotions or feel them uhh. Some days it takes a lot out of me, feel so drained and sad. I know I have to be strong for myself and my family, but it is so hard grieving and being on top of everything. I guess I have to continue to pray and take it one day at a time and trust that it will all get better.

Today I am going to try and stay busy and not think too much on negative things or sad things. Just breathe, relax, and pray. I hope you all have a good day I know I will try too. It’s almost Friday!!!

Blessings All!

Thank you for reading.

Numb… — Just Write

At this point I feel helpless, hopeless, soul less. Feel numb to it all my days and nights are a blur. I am constantly pacing and can not focus. Music helps a little. Heart is steadily racing and thinking the worst. It is really bad cause I don’t have anyone to talk to and I […]

Numb… — Just Write

The feeling of this tonight. Praying on it……. And more praying!

What A Day. Hope yours was better. Blessings!

Have a goodnight everyone!!!

Thank you

Rainy Days

Rainy Day

Just sitting here watching the rain fall and thinking

This rainy day has got me in my feelings

Watching the rain and trying to figure out why

Looking and hearing the rain trying to hide and hold back the tears

This rainy day gloomy and dark out matching the mood I am in plus I am mad and raged

Rainy day makes me want to stay in bed, I feel lazy

Trap myself inside and hide from it all

Rainy days sometimes I need a glass of wine or five

Rainy days it is hard but, on these days, I try to see the sunshine, keep calm

Rainy days has me down but not for long, this will past

Rainy days full of teary moments and sadness

Maybe I should keep a smile on my face no matter what on these

Rainy Days!!

Thank you for reading.