At this point I feel helpless, hopeless, soul less. Feel numb to it all my days and nights are a blur. I am constantly pacing and can not focus. Music helps a little. Heart is steadily racing and thinking the worst. It is really bad cause I don’t have anyone to talk to and I […]
Numb… — Just Write
The feeling of this tonight. Praying on it……. And more praying!
What A Day. Hope yours was better. Blessings!
Have a goodnight everyone!!!
Thank you
Rainy Day
Just sitting here watching the rain fall and thinking
This rainy day has got me in my feelings
Watching the rain and trying to figure out why
Looking and hearing the rain trying to hide and hold back the tears
This rainy day gloomy and dark out matching the mood I am in plus I am mad and raged
Rainy day makes me want to stay in bed, I feel lazy
Trap myself inside and hide from it all
Rainy days sometimes I need a glass of wine or five
Rainy days it is hard but, on these days, I try to see the sunshine, keep calm
Rainy days has me down but not for long, this will past
Rainy days full of teary moments and sadness
Maybe I should keep a smile on my face no matter what on these
Rainy Days!!
Thank you for reading.
My lonely Why
Lonely days with nothing but these thoughts, bad ones, negative ones oh man. Sitting in the dark trying to block out everything wondering why. That is what is mostly on my mind all the time, all the bad that has gone on again I ask why? Why me? Lonely nights sitting in the dark with a bottle of liquor in my hands drowning in the liquor trying to drink all the pain away, yes still in the dark its better this way. No reflection of myself and nobody looking this way, good do not want any to see me, just drowning. The past is what brings me here always like why? Why this? Why that? Lonely days and nights turn into darkness, depression, anxiety, pain, despair, and sadness. Lonely with tears in my eyes as I ask my self why. A question to my past. Always lonely and in the dark trying to climb out my own head away from the negative thoughts, climb out my depression, away from my past, away from the madness, and from my lonely why.
Thanks for reading.
**updated:06/27/2021**
Letting it out…
My heart and mind are heavy, my heart hurts. I feel broken and I have been trying to remain positive and pray about my life and the feelings I have. I have made post about being positive and taking care of self, but lately nothing is working for me. I feel so empty and lost. Since my mom has passed away it seems that everything in my life, the past has surfaced. I am constantly thinking of the bad, cruel, and all the shitty things that has happened to me since I was a child hate this feeling and I do not know why everything is coming to mind and heart. I try to keep busy, so I do not think about stuff, but no matter what it happens, I’m thinking and sad and crying. Another thing is the nightmares which that right there is scary some things happened to me, and I still have nightmares about it and also nightmares of me seeing my mom’s lifeless body. That is why I have not been sleeping really. I see my mom and her condition before she passed. I was taking care of her while she was in hospice care from home and watching her day-by-day change and watching her body fail and seeing her take her last breath the look on her face and all, that is what I see when I am trying to sleep. It was so hard to see and horrible going through it. It is still hard for me it has been four months and I’m not over it at all. I do not know what to do. Yes, I am not going to lie I am mad, mad at the world, and mad at myself. I have been feeling like I do not want to be here on this earth. Like, why cannot I shake these feelings, I do not like feeling this way, all I do lately is cry, cry, cry, cry. Why is it so hard? I have been too much in my mind and in the past for some weeks now, and it has me all messed up, very emotional.
Damn what is going on with me? For those who has lost someone how do you go on? How to you heal?
It is hard and I feel very lonely and scared ad mainly scared of myself. Again, trying to make it through the days but it seems my life is spiraling. Sigh, what to do? Letting it all out tonight. My feelings, my thoughts sorry to those who feel it is a dark and negative blog entry. I am my true self and I express my true. Just going through a lot and emotional and need to vent. Thank you for reading.
Storms…
There will be bad days, there will be good days there will be days where its up and down. I know it will be a process and I will not feel better overnight. This process, this storm I am in will not last long. Strong winds, heavy rain, hail, lighting, and thundering will not keep me down.
Storm is strong raging on, and I am thankful I am not at the moment. storms continue, I will continue to be strong. Stronger than the winds, stronger than my battles. I will survive this storm it is the only way.
I will be calm; I will not rage with the storm. Yes, I am better than that. One day at a time I tell myself I got this. And I do strength and guidance and with God.
This storm again will not me down. Strong Black Woman. I Got This!
I survive storms!
Thank you for reading.
Lost Little Girl
Little lost girl
Fighting to find her way
Lost with no direction
Sad eyes, heart hurting, mind racing
Wounds open, flesh
Lost little girl
Thrown to the wolves, the sharks, the bad
The ugly, clowns, death
Raging to get free
Surrounded by the unknown, Dark
Lost little girl
Scared, shocked, afraid
Alone, cold, wondering
Mad, darkness, raged, shaking
Lost in a world, no clue
She is lost, no soul, no nothing
Lost little girl
Can she be found???
Thank You For Reading.
****Just A Poem!!****
R.I.P DMX. I am really sad about this, Praying for his family
DMX’s fans are remembering his close friendship with the late singer/actress Aaliyah and paying tribute to the two talents lost too soon
DMX Fans Pray That He & Aaliyah Reunite In Heaven As They Remember Their Video Together — Hollywood Life
Bond and Love!
Hello everyone, how is your night going? Tonight, I want to talk about being a parent and the bond between parent and child.
There is nothing like have a bond with your children. I look at my two children and I know that they fulfill me. I do my best and want to give them the world. The love and bond between a parent and child to me is unmatched. Yes, there will be ups and downs of course that is life. All you can do as a parent is teach them what is right, teach them leadership, discipline, talk to them and always check to see how they are feeling, build them up, teach them responsibilities, teach them finances, and pray over them and for them. Yes, a difficult task, but when you start a family it is what you signed up for it is your priority.
With my two kids I have talks with them all the time and yes, my son gets very irritated lol he is eleven years old and thinks he knows it all and think he is a man. He gets mad sometimes when I have to correct him and let him know what the right way is to do things. I have to teach them the right and wrongs and the way of the world. So, I stay on top of them, always picking their brain and giving them knowledge and teaching them the things I had to learn on my own. I am their friend too but of course I have to let them know that I am their mother first. Even with the challenges I would not change anything. I feel like my kids made me and are making me a better person as we grow together. I often think of what my life would be like if I did not have children that’s kind of scary. I am thankful that I do they have truly saved my life and I sooooo love my bond with them, even when they are getting on my nerves lol (I know I am not the only one LOL). It is still all loving no matter what. A great bond one that you pray will never break.
I am a mother who has come a long way, a mother who is learning and growing, while growing, building, and teaching her children. My little ones, my friends, my buddies, my homies, my cubs, my hearts, my everything, my strength, my life. A bond full of love.
Shoutout to all parents trust I know it is not easy, keep your head up and do your best.
Hope you all have a goodnight. Sending love, peace, happiness, faith and blessings to you and your families. Goodnight and I thank you for reading.
Thank You.
Happy Writing, Blogging!!!!!
You must be logged in to post a comment.