Really hate when I try my hardest to get over someone who my feelings were too involved with. Had strong feelings for them and I feel used, I feel uneasy. Seems like they really did not care about me, do not love me the way they said SMH. Been four months since I have heard from this person. But now he is trying to reach out to me. Like why? I am so pissed right now and yes; I am having a little anxiety. Have posted to my blog in the past about this person. No, it is not the first time he has just out of nowhere stopped talking to me. This is a cycle ugh and me do not like it at all. I do not understand it, maybe because twice already I have allowed it. Thinking he is already in a relationship and just talking to me for his convenience. In the past I did have feelings and wanted to give it another chance and that lasted all but three freaking months and not really with consistency. Here I go questioning myself and feeling confused and lost. So over it, told myself the last time that if he did it again that it would be done. I am standing on that. Cannot keep putting my love, my feelings, my soul, my mind, myself out there for people to keep hurting me, laughing at me. Especially when I am already going through so much stuff. Do not need the extra stress in my life.
Whew, breathe had to pause and write about this because it bothers me badly and you know that I like to write about how I feel. Let it all out. **Shrugs** SMH thinking damn again, why? What do he want from me? I know I am not the only one who have been here before. Hate when my feelings are strong and for the wrong freaking person. Now he misses me and want me, sending a lot of messages since Sunday evening. Need a drink something strong. It makes no sense. Was having a good day until this BS, UGH. Going to keep breathing and calm myself and focus on my writings. Try not to let it really get under my skin cause really have harsh ass words for him.
My feelings and venting are out and done, my bad if it’s too much for you all. Again, I vent and keep it real. He deserves my fist to his face seriously. Whew breathe again.
Am I crazy? The only one? Why? Hope your day and night was better.
Have you ever had those moments when you just sit back and think about your life? You think of everything and wonder how you got to where you are in life right now. You think about the good and tough times, and you think of if it went a different way, how would your life be? If this did not happen or that did not happen. Have you ever stopped for a moment and questioned yourself? You question the sacrifices you have made; you question your thought process and everything you have done. Sometimes we cannot help but take those trips down memory lane, sometimes just to see how far we have come or to think of happy times. Maybe to keep yourself in check.
That is me today I do not know why just was thinking about my past and where I am at today. I am blessed, honestly did not think I would make it this far. It has been a journey, and I feel like, within the last couple of years, I have become a better version of myself, and it was a freaking process, and it was hard. Some days it still is hard. I used to question why I was still here in this world, why I was put here. I questioned so much in my life from childhood, education, lifestyles, and life in general. I do not miss the bad, horrible, and all the ugly shit at all, though it made me stronger seriously can do without it and hate thinking about that stuff. It pops up, though. Whatever still healing here. Anyways thinking of how far I have come, and I must say I am satisfied. I have become content with life and happy with my writing when years ago, I was afraid to do so. had so many ideas and was scared to put my work out there, so I am happy that I decided to do so. It is time I really make it happen for my family and myself. Continue to work my hardest, get this book done and continue to be the better version of myself. I really need to stop doing so much questioning myself or maybe reflecting. I do not know just thinking tonight and thinking about my whole life sometimes, I do not know why shit just pops up in my head, and I get frustrated with everything. And then I try to keep myself busy, and sometimes that does not work. Life is a process, I tell you. I know I am not the only one, of course, it is this thing we call life. Life happens, and there are obstacles. The process of life. Me being me and overthinking…… Of course
Life, Life Life……
Have you ever taken that trip? Down memory lane. Have you just thought about the unknown? Thought what if? Or ask yourself why something happened? Are you an overthinker as well?
Blessings and Love.
Thank you for reading.
More from Ray’Elaine.. Thank you for all the support.
When you hear the word deceit what does it mean to you?
How does deceit make you feel?
Why does it make some of us pained?
Well, it is hurtful to get deceived and constantly being lied to, when you are a good person and love hard. Someone who is willing to lie, cheat, and steal to hurt you and they know that what they are doing is hurting you that person is leading with deceit they are so deceitful. Hiding their true intentions with the lies, sweet talk, gifts, and all the fake love they give. I have been in certain situations when a person was deceitful and wanted to bring harm to me and I was being nice, maybe stupid by loving them and was getting used the whole time. Yes, thankful I found out when I did.
Some people are just that way and nothing we can do about it but leave them alone. Especially when you start to see the signs, it is best to leave. I wish I can get inside people head to see what they are really thinking and to somewhat better understand and deal with them. Because right now I just do not understand why people like that do it. Yeah, I know its apart of life, a part of learning lessons. I know some like to lie and be deceitful just to see what they can get away with it. Some see it as a job deceiving, scamming, to make money. Man, these people and their deceitful ways smh..
Sometimes we feel so hurt by deceit and that is where the trusting others come in. Being aware of who and what is around us. People will try you suck you dry verbally, emotionally, physical, and financial. Craziness, right? You must learn from those past deceitful situations, and that can be hard sometimes.
My feeling/thoughts tonight… My wondering mind lol. F Deceit!
Every pain gives a lesson and every lesson changes a person.
Heard this, and I do think it is some truth to it. Everything you go through is either a lesson or a blessing. It is bad that sometimes pain changes everything about us, but we learn from it. Have Strength!!
Just Write 