Wasted Time

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Wasted time

Have you ever met somebody, and you hit it off, and you two get along? The good conversations, then boom it freaking ends. Ugh I hate that. That is why I try not to get too attached and get my feelings involved, because people will switch up and change on you. Like do not introduce me to that if you cannot keep it up. I do not like the “oh I will talk to you only on my time” which is when or who knows when can you say irritated? I like consistency is that hard to ask for? I also do not like my time wasted that is so annoying or do not like my damn feelings hurt. These days it is so hard to find a nice genuine person like myself. Maybe I will take a seat and focus on me. Time to myself and not worrying about pleasing the next person. I really liked the person but oh well what can you do? I will move on and let it go. Whatever. Wasted my damn time, SMH

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#MyThoghts #JustWrite

My Relationship, the END

*Repost*

My relationship, the END

I walked away, I said I am done, I can not do this no more. I was in a relationship off and on for eight years, and there were only two years it was good, and I was happy in the relationship. I feel like I wasted my time, wasted my life, wasted my love, all while trying to help the other person build them up and give them chance after chance. During those years I forgot about myself. I stayed to try and work it out for our kids, again forgetting about myself forgetting about my feelings in the process. I felt alone and hopeless for years. He did not want to help me do anything or help with anything; he was just there. Talking was pointless because when I would speak my mind on how things were, I would get called names or he would say I was nagging and all I asked for was help with our kids and help with bills. I could never get that. I felt weak, lost, lonely, defeated, and depressed handling everything on my own including my own battles while in a relationship and taking care of everything. The relationship drained me, it was bad it was abuse on both of our sides and I am not happy about that, I was a different person, I became very mean and never wanted to be bother with. Deep depression and looking at my children face I knew we needed a change and that I needed to do better for them and focus only on them. Damn I honestly felt like I was shit, like I was no good. He always worked and had jobs and would get paid and go hang out with his family and friends his priorities were always off, that’s part of the reason I felt like I was no good because I could not get the man, I gave children to, gave my love to, and slept with every night could not help me with the simplest shit. Wow I cannot believe I went through that and stayed with him if I did. I went through so much hurt and pain and sadness alone. I could not talk to him, too many arguments, so I just shut down. Happy to say for the last two years I been single, but he stills begs to have his family back, and it gets annoying. Seriously how many chances should you give a person. Eight years and nothing had changed, and it seemed to be getting worse, so I had to end it for my peace, happiness, and sanity. Then he will tell me that nobody will ever want me and if they did it will only be for sex; he stills says that I am his forever. Just had to walk away. I made a post some days ago about how I felt about him, the hate is strong and the fact that he keeps wanting to get back together makes it worst. I do not understand why he wants to be together when I tried time after time to talk to him and figure things out and make it work but he never wanted to hear it. Now he mad because he messed up. Honestly feel like he was using me for a place to stay. Man, tired of it, all I want is peace. I do not like arguing with him and losing my cool. Wish he would understand, and we could co parent without the drama. Been trying to move on for two years and it has been a long ride.

Just had to let that out I do not want to be bitter about the past, I want to live happy and have no drama. Want this hatred out my heart, we do have to be around each other for our kids. Still lost and do not know what to do. I am just venting and getting my feelings out it was heavy on my mind, feel a little better. Praying for a better year.

Thank you for reading.

  • *Repost- wrote this 12/31/2020*
  • Wanted to share again, something I am happy I did.

Oh man…

Ugh this night is not going good. I am emotional and lonely. Wish I had someone to hold me tight right now. Just really want love right now. Mind is going miles. So much inside ugh. No one to talk to about it. I feel hopeless and scared and ALONE. I try not to think about certain stuff but it happens. It happens at weird times and I just cry. This night is bad and tomorrow marks one month since mom passed. Super emotional tonight. Ugh. Help. Oh man..... BREATHE, BREATHE, BREATHE

Hopefully rest will help. Hope you all are having a great night and weekend. Praying for all. Going to pray through these feelings and though times. Sorry for a sad post I'm getting my thoughts out! I have to be strong, I have too. Wishing you all Love, Peace, Happiness, and Blessings! 💙💙🖤🖤

This lonely night.....😧

Thank you for reading.

She is trying!

Too Good to be TRUE..

Too good to be true…

So tonight, I am sitting and thinking. And of course, this damn dude is on my mind. Like what the fuck, why? My emotions are everywhere and yes, I am a little tipsy and besides what I am dealing with I am thinking of him. Again why? Oh, my yall I am irritating my damn self at the moment. Cannot help but to think is this real? Does he really feel the same way I do, shit do he really like me? Here I go feeling young minded and questioning myself and the situation instead of letting it all go and that is not good. Just feel confused and out of it, maybe I should just walk away forget it all thought it was what I wanted but I do not know now. I have mixed emotions and we are both dealing with things. That is why I do not like putting my feelings out there I feel dumb and used it is like I benefit them talk and text on their time. Thinking yeah it is too good to be true. Just wish I could find realness, real love besides what I can offer. Ugh its too good to be true and I am pissed off. I really need a friend and love I feel dumb and stupid and I am thinking why me why I cannot get what I give. Venting, thinking, and letting it all out, I am rambling, ugh irritated though.

Thank you for reading.