Just want to give a big ass shout out to all my Beautiful, Gorgeous, women out there. Keep being strong
We all know how it go.
It be days like this. Just don’t want to be bothered with the world…. And sometimes it makes shit more fucked up…Ladies am I Alone??
Yesss. Shout out to Mary J Blige for this song..
Feels right now….
L.I.G.- Let It Go!
That's Right!
Let it all go and heal
Get better not for anyone else, do it for yourself
Let it all go, pain, hurt, rejection, fears let it all go
Breathe.....It will get better with time
Just Breathe..........
Thank you.
Cold
Cold like the wind
Heart chilled, cool, cold
Shut off from me, you, the world
Standing still, stiff body, damn cold
Pitch black, where am I, nothing around
Iciness, trembling body, I’m cold
What is going on? Damn, freezing
Am I coming or going?
Maybe So.......
Damn I am cold
Thank You For Reading!!
*
***Just a poem!****
Letting it out…
My heart and mind are heavy, my heart hurts. I feel broken and I have been trying to remain positive and pray about my life and the feelings I have. I have made post about being positive and taking care of self, but lately nothing is working for me. I feel so empty and lost. Since my mom has passed away it seems that everything in my life, the past has surfaced. I am constantly thinking of the bad, cruel, and all the shitty things that has happened to me since I was a child hate this feeling and I do not know why everything is coming to mind and heart. I try to keep busy, so I do not think about stuff, but no matter what it happens, I’m thinking and sad and crying. Another thing is the nightmares which that right there is scary some things happened to me, and I still have nightmares about it and also nightmares of me seeing my mom’s lifeless body. That is why I have not been sleeping really. I see my mom and her condition before she passed. I was taking care of her while she was in hospice care from home and watching her day-by-day change and watching her body fail and seeing her take her last breath the look on her face and all, that is what I see when I am trying to sleep. It was so hard to see and horrible going through it. It is still hard for me it has been four months and I’m not over it at all. I do not know what to do. Yes, I am not going to lie I am mad, mad at the world, and mad at myself. I have been feeling like I do not want to be here on this earth. Like, why cannot I shake these feelings, I do not like feeling this way, all I do lately is cry, cry, cry, cry. Why is it so hard? I have been too much in my mind and in the past for some weeks now, and it has me all messed up, and very emotional.
Damn, what is going on with me? For those who have lost someone, how do you go on? How to you heal?
It is hard and I feel very lonely and scared ad mainly scared of myself. Again, trying to make it through the days but it seems my life is spiraling. Sigh, what to do? Letting it all out tonight. My feelings, my thoughts sorry to those who feel it is a dark and negative blog entry. I am my true self and I express my true. Just going through a lot and emotional and need to vent. Thank you for reading.
Scars inside and out
Deep wounds
Can never be fixed
Scars
Still remain
Walk with me, guide me
The scars
Not pretty
Inside and out
The scars I carry with me
So deep
Nightmares appear
The scars are here
Forever
The scars
Inside and out
I
Cannot hide
Flesh open
Cries are loud
Scars remain
I wonder why.
No help
There’s nobody
Damn scars
On my mind, body
Drowning
Am I still alive?
These
Scars
Sometimes visible
These scars sometimes
Not….Damn
Scars….
Blessings and Love.
Thank you for reading.
**A Poem**
What a day/night
Hay everyone. How is everyone’s night? Mine is not too good tonight it has been a long and dragged-on day. Why? My migraines ugh hate them, like seriously. I have been feeling drained all day and my damn face hurting. These migraines just take over sometimes. It was very painful through work and some meetings that I had but I pushed through and was hoping to get a lot of writing done today but that did not happen I tried a little but had to take a break and try to find a calm space.
Hopefully, I am all better tomorrow because I did not like the way I was feeling today. Not good at all hopefully I can get some sleep. Ughhh pain please go away. I hope that yall day was better and hope you guys have a great night. remember to love yourself through it all and thank you for reading.
Blessings and Love
Thank You!
Okay, so an update, my mom’s family decided and made a decision I’m sure a really hard one and took my grandpa off life support earlier today. R.I.P. to my grandpa I can not lie and say I am doing okay. I am in breakdown mode. He and my mom are together, and I know they will continue to watch over me and be with me. I am sad and just down, very down. Seriously I cannot concentrate, and again like I stated in my blog earlier my emotions are everywhere. WTF and my mind is going miles. Kind of pissed I had to find out on Facebook but I know people are going through it and feeling the loss and grief so I can not take it too personally and take it for what it is. Such a sad night and sorry for the negative post. Your girl is just going through a lot right now and no lie feel like losing it.
Smoking and drinking(Yeah some do not agree and so what), trying to feel numb that is my night, my mood and honestly, I do not care. Craziness… Too much going on. For real I am kind of panicking. Yeah, such a damn day and night.
She venting AGAIN
Love you all and hope your night is better
Again, praying for my family. Strength, guidance, healing, protection, and love.
Blessings and Love!
Thank you for reading.
So today I am trying to keep it all together I have been praying all night as well as this morning. I am in a mood this morning and trying to shake these feelings but man nothing is helping at the moment, I know it is morning, but I really want a few drinks just to feel a little numb. On my mom’s side of the family her dad, my grandpa is on life support, and I am feeling down and depressed about it. The last time I have seen him was around this time last year when I went with my mom to Kansas City, Missouri to see her family before she passed. I am at a loss right now and maybe feeling a little guilty for not talking to him or seeing him sooner. I feel bad and beating myself up about it. He is a good man and been good to his family.
Got that news yesterday as well as news of my uncle on my dad side, his big brother is not feeling well and might be going to hospice due to kidney failure which is what my mom dealt with and she died of kidney failure, which in two weeks it will be a year since she passed. She is always on my mind and often want her. So much is going on with me right now, just want to escape it all. Praying for all my family and hoping things get better. It just seems like it is always something especially when I am trying to overcome things of the past. Ugh, today is not a good one, hopefully, I can get over it all. This post is nothing new about my feelings its just I feel it is too much at one time and I feel hopeless, lost, and scared. So tired of losses Damn. Might have to take a trip to Kansas City, Missouri to see family and give my support to my family.
I am sad, hurt, emotions all over the place.
Just wanted to come and vent my heart is heavy all over again and still thinking about my mom so I’m just a lost cause today. Please pray for me. Thank you all for the support and reading my blog I know I tend to just ramble.
Praying for better days…..
Blessings and Love
Thank you for reading.
Are you a person who can easily walk away from challenging situations? Are you a person who can easily forgive? Easily forget the negative.
Me I am not that person. I worry too much and think about the past way too much. Something I do not like about myself. I am always on edge and thinking about my past makes it worst and then anxiety kicks in. Wish it were easy for me to forget stuff, to forgive, and trust more. Want to easily walk away with no wounds. Wishful thinking huh? Yeah, it is annoying at times, and wish I could just leave the negative shit in the past. I worry too much it is crazy. Again, wish I can easily walk away from all the bad. Worrying a lot is stressful.
Ugh too much on my mind right now and want to getaway. Head spinning and mind racing fast. You ever had one of those days? Praying on it as always. Just writing to get my thoughts, feelings, and venting out. Sometimes I have to whether it is a negative post or not. I just want to be able to forgive and forget. I am me and right now I am worrying and having anxiety, must admit writing does help as it is calming for a moment. Praying for all of those having those bad days. Breathe and pray about it. Have faith.
Blessings and Love!
Thank you for reading.
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