Tag Archives: thoughts

Sabotage.

In my mind, a constant battle waged

A war between reason and impulse, uncaged

I knew what was right, what I should do

Yet self-sabotage always seemed to ensue.

Hurting those I loved, leaving them in tears

My actions driven by my deepest fears

I couldn’t seem to break free of this curse

My inner demons, my own worst enemy, perverse.

I pushed away those who wanted to help

My stubbornness, my pride, my greatest yelp

But deep down inside, I knew the truth

That I was the cause of my own abuse.

It took time and effort to turn things around

To break free of the chains that had me bound

Apologies were made, amends were sought

And slowly but surely, my life was re-wrought.

It’s not easy to face the harm we’ve caused

To admit our faults, to remove the gauze

But in doing so, we can find redemption

And learn to love ourselves without exception.

But damn sometimes it’s the

Self sabotage

That gets us!

Blessings and Love

Thank you for reading.

Want What You Cannot Have.

Want it, Can’t Have it…..

Have you been in a situation where you have to walk away from someone love because you knew in your heart that the two you would not have worked out? I am just sitting here thinking of that person and I miss him. Been feeling so lonely lately and thinking and missing him is making me feel worse because that is who I want. Badly. I miss the way he used to look at me, our conversations, our silliness, our vibe, the compliments, and him always being real with me. We had to walk away from each other, and it still hurts. I want him in my life, and I still feel that it would not work out for me due to me knowing this person well the way they think, and their personality. Sometimes it annoys me wondering about what if. What would happen if we did have a relationship? What if we try now? Wondering if I made a mistake when I had to walkway from him. Hate feeling this way and again feel lonely and want him next to me even if not in a relationship with me just to talk to each other would be good. I need to find something to do because he is too much on my mind. SMH, I do not like it. He probably does not still feel the same way. Should I reach out or just leave it alone? Maybe too much time has passed.

 Or

Have you ever had a person in your life that could not let go? Did all the wrong things in the relationship and you endured a lot and decided to leave but they just will not let you go. Dealing with that currently. Yeah, today I am dealing with a lot got someone who wants me but I don’t want them I feel I tried so hard for years and got hurt and I am over it. Haven’t been with this person for years and they won’t let up. Yeah, fucking annoying. And then I want someone who probably does not want me or thinking about me at all, the difference is I am not bugging the other person or begging them to want me. Constantly calling or texting them. It is the want what I cannot have syndrome we both got I guess lol. Emotions are everywhere though

Damn, can I catch a break…. LOL a little too much at the moment.

That damn feeling of wanting what you cannot have……

Blessings and Love!

Thank you for reading.

Battle with myself

Battle with myself!

I look in the mirror and there are times where I do not like who is starring back

Telling myself to face my fears, be strong

I am battling myself it is tough battle trying to keep control of what is going on around me

I feel like I am losing. The doubting myself, feeling ashamed, I am feeling unworthy

I am battling myself through it all the good, the bad, and most definitely the ugly and the worst

I am my own worst enemy hard on me

Sometimes I like who and what I see and times I do not

I say to myself to suck it up it is life

Battling myself trying to keep from crying

Trying hard to fix my crown

Daily struggles sometimes hold me back

Battling myself this woman is hard to deal with

Tough and strong I say back to the mirror you got this, keep going, stop being in your own way

Battling myself I say take a breather and get back to it

Battling myself it is me versus me

A battle I will come out on top of

Me battling myself through it all enough is enough

Me battling myself it is time I choose I as I stare back in the mirror with a smile

I chose I in this battle with myself!

Burdens…

We all have them 

Some more than others 

Burdens 

A shadow over us 

We want to defeat 

Burdens 

I have them 

No denying them 

Burdens 

I want to keep to myself 

It’s no one’s problem 

Burdens 

I hold deep inside 

Consumes me like crazy 

Burdens 

Damn overthink on them daily 

Hide from the world 

Burdens 

I do not put it on others 

Ray feels it’s not fair 

So, I do not share 

Burdens 

Mines to keep and bare 

Damn, a shame 

Burdens 

We all carry them! 

-Burdens- 

Blessings and Love! 

Thank you for reading. 

The Quiet In Healing

They say healing is loud

Really?

Like thunder, heavy drums, and like a phoenix in flames

But not mine

Mine came in whispers

The hush between heartbreak and hope

In the silence after the storm

When the wreckage still smelled like yesterday

I didn’t scream

I didn’t roar

I sat with the ache

With the echo

With the version of me I buried beneath “I’m fine.”

Healing is not always heroic

Sometimes it’s holding your own hand 

When no one else is there

It’s rewriting the story 

When the pen feels too heavy

It’s breathing

Even when the air tastes like memory

I stitched myself together 

With threads of forgiveness

Patched the holes with grace

And wore my scars like armor 

Not shame

I learned that broken 

Doesn’t mean unworthy

That soft doesn’t mean weak

Healing is not a finish line

It’s a rhythm

A dance

A daily decision to rise

So, if you’re still hurting

Still healing

Still holding on by a whisper

Just know this:

You are not behind

You are not broken

You are becoming!

Blessings and Love!

Thank you for reading.

A Purpose II

In the deepness of discomfort

I wandered aimlessly

Lost and confused, unsure of my destiny

I searched high and low for a reason to be

To find my place in this world, to finally be free

I sought out love in every shape and form

In hopes that it would calm the raging storm

But with every heartbreak, my spirit was torn

And the search for love left me feeling dejected

Climbing mountains and swimming in the sea

But still, my purpose evaded me

I longed for a sign, a glimpse of clarity

To guide me towards my true destiny

But amidst the confusion

I found a glimmer of hope

A light in the darkness, a way to cope

I realized that the search itself was my goal

To embrace the journey and let my purpose unfold

I continue to search with an open heart and mind

To discover my purpose and the love I long to find

For I know that with patience and perseverance combined

My destiny will reveal itself in due time

-A Purpose II-

Blessings and Love!

Thank you for reading.

A Purpose!  | Just Write (writeblg.com)

Forget…

Forget

Want to let it all go

Forget the past, forget the humiliation

Forget the hurt, forget it all

Forget the people who played a part in my hurt

Forget those who knew but did not help, looked away

Forget those who said they care, but really do not

Forget the feelings I had, forget my tears

Forget being a child, forget all of my childhood

Damn

Forget having too much weight on my shoulders

Forget getting over shit alone and afraid

Damn yall

I just want to forget

Forget it all…

Thank you for reading.

Sleepless Nights

Sleepless Nights

Tossing and turning

New and exciting

Ideas are coming in

Out the bed

I go

Sleepless nights

Notebook and Pen

Always handy

Sleepless Nights

Wide awake

Family, books, poetry

Sleepless Nights

Dreams, My future, My kid’s future

Sleepless Nights

Loneliness, Companionship, Love, Life

The Universe!

Swimming around constantly

Sleepless Nights

I need to rest

But

My mind thinks otherwise

Sleepless Nights

Just wondering

Questioning everything

How the world works, How is this made?

I think of it all

Sleepless Nights

Struggling to close my

Eyes

Even though they are heavy

Sleepless Nights

Thinking thoughts good and bad

Consumed

Like, Damn theses

Sleepless nights!

Blessings and Love!

Thank you for reading.