Tag Archives: Sad

A Process…

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Hello all

It has been some days without me writing or actually doing anything. I have been in a bad mood and trying to shake these feelings. This grieving shit is annoying it’s understandable but so annoying. One minute I am okay, able to get things done and I am content, than the next I am a emotional wreck ugh. Wanna just SCREAM. Yes I know it is a process and healing and getting over things take some time. I just hate being emotional and having these feelings. I’m a person who don’t like to show my emotions or feel them uhh. Some days it takes a lot out of me, feel so drained and sad. I know I have to be strong for myself and my family, but it is so hard grieving and being on top of everything. I guess I have to continue to pray and take it one day at a time and trust that it will all get better.


Today I am going to try and stay busy and not think too much on negative things or sad things. Just breathe, relax, and pray. I hope you all have a good day I know I will try too. It’s almost Friday!!!


Blessings All!

Thank you for reading.

My Lonely Why…

Poems, Short Stories, thoughts, , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

My lonely Why

Lonely days with nothing but these thoughts, bad ones, negative ones oh man. Sitting in the dark trying to block out everything wondering why. That is what is mostly on my mind all the time, all the bad that has gone on again I ask why? Why me? Lonely nights sitting in the dark with a bottle of liquor in my hands drowning in the liquor trying to drink all the pain away, yes still in the dark its better this way. No reflection of myself and nobody looking this way, good do not want any to see me, just drowning. The past is what brings me here always like why? Why this? Why that? Lonely days and nights turn into darkness, depression, anxiety, pain, despair, and sadness. Lonely with tears in my eyes as I ask myself why. A question to my past. Always lonely and in the dark trying to climb out my own head away from the negative thoughts, climb out my depression, away from my past, away from the madness, and from my lonely why.

Thanks for reading.

**Poetry**

Letting it all out

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Letting it out…

My heart and mind are heavy, my heart hurts. I feel broken and I have been trying to remain positive and pray about my life and the feelings I have. I have made post about being positive and taking care of self, but lately nothing is working for me. I feel so empty and lost. Since my mom has passed away it seems that everything in my life, the past has surfaced. I am constantly thinking of the bad, cruel, and all the shitty things that has happened to me since I was a child hate this feeling and I do not know why everything is coming to mind and heart. I try to keep busy, so I do not think about stuff, but no matter what it happens, I’m thinking and sad and crying. Another thing is the nightmares which that right there is scary some things happened to me, and I still have nightmares about it and also nightmares of me seeing my mom’s lifeless body. That is why I have not been sleeping really. I see my mom and her condition before she passed. I was taking care of her while she was in hospice care from home and watching her day-by-day change and watching her body fail and seeing her take her last breath the look on her face and all, that is what I see when I am trying to sleep. It was so hard to see and horrible going through it. It is still hard for me it has been four months and I’m not over it at all. I do not know what to do. Yes, I am not going to lie I am mad, mad at the world, and mad at myself. I have been feeling like I do not want to be here on this earth. Like, why cannot I shake these feelings, I do not like feeling this way, all I do lately is cry, cry, cry, cry. Why is it so hard? I have been too much in my mind and in the past for some weeks now, and it has me all messed up, and very emotional.

Damn, what is going on with me? For those who have lost someone, how do you go on? How to you heal?

It is hard and I feel very lonely and scared ad mainly scared of myself. Again, trying to make it through the days but it seems my life is spiraling. Sigh, what to do? Letting it all out tonight. My feelings, my thoughts sorry to those who feel it is a dark and negative blog entry. I am my true self and I express my true. Just going through a lot and emotional and need to vent. Thank you for reading.

Not the day.

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So today I am trying to keep it all together I have been praying all night as well as this morning. I am in a mood this morning and trying to shake these feelings but man nothing is helping at the moment, I know it is morning, but I really want a few drinks just to feel a little numb. On my mom’s side of the family her dad, my grandpa is on life support, and I am feeling down and depressed about it. The last time I have seen him was around this time last year when I went with my mom to Kansas City, Missouri to see her family before she passed. I am at a loss right now and maybe feeling a little guilty for not talking to him or seeing him sooner. I feel bad and beating myself up about it. He is a good man and been good to his family.

Got that news yesterday as well as news of my uncle on my dad side, his big brother is not feeling well and might be going to hospice due to kidney failure which is what my mom dealt with and she died of kidney failure, which in two weeks it will be a year since she passed. She is always on my mind and often want her. So much is going on with me right now, just want to escape it all. Praying for all my family and hoping things get better. It just seems like it is always something especially when I am trying to overcome things of the past. Ugh, today is not a good one, hopefully, I can get over it all. This post is nothing new about my feelings its just I feel it is too much at one time and I feel hopeless, lost, and scared. So tired of losses Damn. Might have to take a trip to Kansas City, Missouri to see family and give my support to my family.

I am sad, hurt, emotions all over the place.

Just wanted to come and vent my heart is heavy all over again and still thinking about my mom so I’m just a lost cause today. Please pray for me. Thank you all for the support and reading my blog I know I tend to just ramble.

Praying for better days…..

Blessings and Love

Thank you for reading.

https://writeblg.com/2021/12/18/loss-and-grief/
Hurting
Prayer Tonight

Numb… — Just Write

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At this point I feel helpless, hopeless, soul less. Feel numb to it all my days and nights are a blur. I am constantly pacing and can not focus. Music helps a little. Heart is steadily racing and thinking the worst. It is really bad cause I don’t have anyone to talk to and I […]

Numb… — Just Write

The feeling of this tonight. Praying on it……. And more praying!

What A Day. Hope yours was better. Blessings!

Have a goodnight everyone!!!

Thank you

https://writeblg.com/2020/12/10/rage/
I Smile II

Storms!

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Storms…

There will be bad days, there will be good days there will be days where its up and down. I know it will be a process and I will not feel better overnight. This process, this storm I am in will not last long. Strong winds, heavy rain, hail, lighting, and thundering will not keep me down.

Storm is strong raging on, and I am thankful I am not at the moment. storms continue, I will continue to be strong. Stronger than the winds, stronger than my battles. I will survive this storm it is the only way.

I will be calm; I will not rage with the storm. Yes, I am better than that. One day at a time I tell myself I got this. And I do strength and guidance and with God.

This storm again will not me down. Strong Black Woman. I Got This!

I survive storms!

Thank you for reading.

Little Girl Lost

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Lost Little Girl

Little lost girl

Fighting to find her way

Lost with no direction

Sad eyes, heart hurting, mind racing

Wounds open, flesh

Lost little girl

Thrown to the wolves, the sharks, the bad

The ugly, clowns, death

Raging to get free

Surrounded by the unknown, Dark

Lost little girl

Scared, shocked, afraid

Alone, cold, wondering

Mad, darkness, raged, shaking

Lost in a world, no clue

She is lost, no soul, no nothing

Lost little girl

Can she be found???

Thank You For Reading.

****Just A Poem!!****

Bond and Love!

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Bond and Love!

Hello everyone, how is your night going? Tonight, I want to talk about being a parent and the bond between parent and child.

There is nothing like have a bond with your children. I look at my two children and I know that they fulfill me. I do my best and want to give them the world. The love and bond between a parent and child to me is unmatched. Yes, there will be ups and downs of course that is life. All you can do as a parent is teach them what is right, teach them leadership, discipline, talk to them and always check to see how they are feeling, build them up, teach them responsibilities, teach them finances, and pray over them and for them. Yes, a difficult task, but when you start a family it is what you signed up for it is your priority.

With my two kids I have talks with them all the time and yes, my son gets very irritated lol he is eleven years old and thinks he knows it all and think he is a man. He gets mad sometimes when I have to correct him and let him know what the right way is to do things. I have to teach them the right and wrongs and the way of the world. So, I stay on top of them, always picking their brain and giving them knowledge and teaching them the things I had to learn on my own. I am their friend too but of course I have to let them know that I am their mother first. Even with the challenges I would not change anything. I feel like my kids made me and are making me a better person as we grow together. I often think of what my life would be like if I did not have children that’s kind of scary. I am thankful that I do they have truly saved my life and I sooooo love my bond with them, even when they are getting on my nerves lol (I know I am not the only one LOL). It is still all loving no matter what. A great bond one that you pray will never break.

I am a mother who has come a long way, a mother who is learning and growing, while growing, building, and teaching her children. My little ones, my friends, my buddies, my homies, my cubs, my hearts, my everything, my strength, my life. A bond full of love.

Shoutout to all parents trust I know it is not easy, keep your head up and do your best.

Hope you all have a goodnight. Sending love, peace, happiness, faith and blessings to you and your families. Goodnight and I thank you for reading.

Thank You.

Happy Writing, Blogging!!!!!

My Lonely Why

Poems, Short Stories, thoughts, , , , , , , , , ,

My lonely Why

Lonely days with nothing but these thoughts, bad ones, negative ones oh man. Sitting in the dark trying to block out everything wondering why. That is what is mostly on my mind all the time, all the bad that has gone on again I ask why? Why me? Lonely nights sitting in the dark with a bottle of liquor in my hands drowning in the liquor trying to drink all the pain away, yes still in the dark its better this way. No reflection of myself and nobody looking this way, good do not want any to see me, just drowning. The past is what brings me here always like why? Why this? Why that? Lonely days and nights turn into darkness, depression, anxiety, pain, despair, and sadness. Lonely with tears in my eyes as I ask my self why. A question to my past. Always lonely and in the dark trying to climb out my own head away from the negative thoughts, climb out my depression, away from my past, away from the madness, and from my lonely why.

Thanks for reading.

updated:04/06/2021