Tag Archives: Venting

Honest-Feels Tonight

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Hello All,

Man, tonight is not a good night. I have been trying to have a positive outlook, and thoughts about life and have been encouraging others to do the same. But me being honest lately it has been hard to do. Especially today. Tonight, my thoughts are dark, and I have been drinking for hours, which I am not supposed to be doing. Without a damn care in the world. Honestly right now my feelings are numb. I do not care about shit right now, and yeah maybe it is the liquor or maybe my wicked thought’s, how I feel about myself at the moment. I want to unleash. Fight mode. Hurting. All day I have being giving myself pep talks and trying to rise above this dark feeling.

But I am tired. Tired of being there for people who can’t help me with shit. It is only so much a person can take. People who I cannot call on to even talk to.  Tired of it all. All I do is give to others, while I am suffering through a lot. Help them always in their time of need. But who is there for me. And yes, I know you should not help others and look for something in return, but damn people I help sometimes I wish I can call them and need them.

Often, I feel like my feelings do not matter at all. It is all about what a person can get out of me. SAD but it is a truth in my life. You’ll think I will be use to it by now. Same shit different day…

So here I am writing in my notebook and my blog and about to tune everything out. Phone is off, tv is off. Just drinking and thinking (SMH) hopefully this would pass, been here before and it is not good.

Venting and letting it out as always, no matter what it is. If you think this is too dark or not for you. MOVE ON. VENT SESSION

Just rambling on and venting. Just wish I had a person for me to talk to about anything. Yes I am guarded but still haven’t met a person who I trust enough to let them in and be vulnerable with them. Sill working on it,

Anyways back to my fucked-up night. Writing and music take me away.

Hope you all night is better!

My misery does not like company! Even though I go through a lot I do not wish it on others.

She just being HONEST. Tired of it ALL

Have a good one.

Blessings and Love

Thank you for reading.

Have you ever felt this way?

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Cannot get this man off my mind, damn every day I think of him. His looks, his smile, his voice, and his damn personality. We are a match. We have great chemistry, I can have a good conversation with him, he makes me laugh, and we also can be serious too. It is just something about him. I avoid talking to him because I have strong feelings and do not know how to show it or how to tell him (my scared ass, LOL). I am so guarded and been hurt too many damn times. But for real, I just do not know what to do. Then I worry about if he feels the same way. I do not want to put my feelings out there and he do not feel the same way I do. And that will constantly bother me. What if he does not respond or never talk to me again. I probably sound crazy, but it is how I am feeling and cannot shake it. Right now, I want him next to me, us talking and vibing, I want his touch, his eyes on me. Then again, I do not want to look stupid and get hurt. My emotions are everywhere tonight, and I am dinking a little and it is making it worse. Maybe it is bedtime for me because my mind is going miles and I am so over this, maybe because I know the truth. 

I guess it is what it is. Just my thoughts and feelings tonight. I really want him, like seriously, whatever.

Blessings and Love! 🖤🤎💙💗💚💛🧡❤🤍💜

Thank you for reading.

**More from Ray’Elaine**

https://writeblg.com/2021/02/22/love-that/

https://writeblg.com/2021/01/09/i-surrender/

https://writeblg.com/2021/07/09/lust/

Frustrated..

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That feeling of being full of rage, full of sadness, seeing dark 

Frustrated with it all 

With all the weight I carry, Damn so fucking heavy 

Frustrated 

Life is in disarray 

Frustrated 

With me, myself, and I, all my fault 

I am not happy, not where I want to be 

Frustrated  

Seems like I am failing, I am deep under water 

Frustrated 

I am drowning, no hope 

Feelings of powerless, weak, misunderstood 

Feelings of being useless 

Frustrated 

Mad at the world, at those around me 

Though it is not their fault I am fucked up 

Frustrated 

Lonely, hurt, and lost 

I am a nobody, obviously 

Frustrated 

When do it end 

Damn 

So tired, and frustrated with being frustrated 

Story of Ray’s life 

Frustrated 

Damn, never ending….

Blessings and Love! 

Thank you for reading.

My Best Friend’s!

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When I try to speak those words

Me, my mind, my soul, and my body

Freezes up

Scared feelings and thoughts

Have to grab my pen and notebook

Write it out!

When I want to look in the

Mirror and face myself

There is a pause, frightened

What is there?

Scared to move, speak out

Have to grab my pen and notebook

Write it out!

Sometimes only way to

Get my feelings out

My best friend’s

Pen and Notebook

Who I’m never afraid

To speak to

My best friend’s

Knows the real me

Updated on a daily

Write it out!

Tonight, giving a shoutout

To the two who have been there for me the most

My best friend’s

Pen and Notebook

I shall

Write on!

-My Best Friends!-

Blessings and love!

Thank you for reading.

Issues

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Really think I have issues lol. Like damn why am I so guarded with people. I am so on edge. Attitude issues as well. And can easily walk away from people to keep myself from getting hurt. Seriously I am too good at goodbyes. 🤦🏾‍♀️ Yes serious issues. Over thinker here.

There are so many issues I really need to work on. This process is hard. Ohhh man. I’m just thinking out loud with too much on my mind. Y’all sometimes I irritate my own self when feeling like too much on my shoulders lol..So much damn anxiety

Okay I’m done. Hope everyone is doing better!!

***Vent Session***

Blessing and Love!

Thanks for reading.

A Thought…(A Poem)

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Sometimes it is best to move on and stay silent

They leave, let them, no begging here.

If they don’t love you, you love yourself more

Do not be concerned about the why’s or what if’s- It was never really love

Move on though it hurts and know that life goes on!

It will be okay. It was not meant to be, and it is what it is.

Still surviving, still strong

Move on and still be yourself, and move smarter, stronger and brighter!

Again, Move on, Stay Silent

My Thoughts at the moment

Blessings and Love!

Thank you for visiting.

Loving Self!!

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Love Yourself

When you have to make choices that are good for you but will hurt someone, still choose yourself.

It doesn’t make sense to keep giving in to them or live how they want you to. Or give in to a situation that is not good or safe. Give in to yourself, feed yourself and your soul

Love yourself better than you love anyone else. Be strong and make the right decisions

It is Your life, so the choice has to be made for you and your future

Give yourself all you’ve got.

Make those hard choices and be a better you

The truth is, honestly, how can you love someone or something if first you don’t love yourself…

Self-love is essential for my thoughts and feelings. Please remember to be kind, caring, and loving to yourself. You matter!

Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

Blessings!

Thank you for reading.

Just Ray’Elaine

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Lately I have been off and trying to get back to me and be happy. Trying to get these books done and have other projects in the works.

Strength is needed!!! Sometimes I need to slow down.

I want to start a new business where I will be a ghostwriter. Still have to get that started. Also want to design book covers for authors. I have been doing some practice with book designs and flyers it is something I love to do. Just wishing it turns out good for me. That is definitely in the works.

Constant new ideas coming, and I let my mind and pen flow with it. That is just Ray’Elaine. Just Write and be you!

Yes, there is more to come!!!

Blessings and Love

Thank you for reading.

***Such a random post lol*** More of me and book links below!!!

Me being goofy!!!😂😂

Ray’Elaine’s book links:

Ray’Elaine’s social media:

https://www.facebook.com/rayelaine.author?mibextid=ZbWKwL



https://www.facebook.com/Elaine287?mibextid=ZbWKwL



https://twitter.com/RayElaine87



https://www.instagram.com/relaine287

Alone

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Alone!

Just sitting here thinking like always lol and I am thinking about being alone lol. Yeah seriously. Lately it had been rough, and I think I need to get away and be by myself, maybe a week or two. It has been stressful at work, and I have been getting terribly upset by it. Personal life as well is stressful now just need a little break. I know I am not the only one. You just want to tell people to leave you alone and let you be. I know that will not happen soon just wishful thinking. Sometimes I want to turn my phone off and just sleep, but I have stuff to do, and I have a family to take care of, I am always busy busy busy, and my mind and body feels it. A spa day, some wine, a vacation somewhere nice would be great. A place that is quiet and relaxing and I can breathe easy and ease my mind will also be great.

Alone with me is what I want. Okay I am just venting here for a while sorry. I know we all have those days and if you are I am praying for you . I am about to write, get some chapters finished and relax I thank you for reading and enjoy your evening.

Love, Peace, Happiness, and Blessings to all!!!

Thank you!

Oh Man.. WTF!

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Doing good then Boom…. Why?

Okay so everything was fine, and I am writing and then my mom pops up in my
head. Oh man that just made me pause and just start balling. Hate this feeling and now feeling a little down. Why does this happen? Now I am going to pray then turn on some music and hopefully stop feeling this way.

UGh shake it off I’m saying to myself. Maybe I need to go to bed. Put the notebooks and pens up and rest. Maybe she is telling me something I don’t know. Whatever music and a shot of something strong, a joint, shower and the damn bed. Just want to feel numb and not think for a while. Crazy months ago, thought I would be done drinking but here I am tonight with all these damn emotions, and a damn drink in hand (SMH). And it is really past my bedtime lol have to be up at 5am (Got To Work! YAY!) plus I have a migraine on top of all this.

Whew! Just venting and a little freaked out. It’s like I am feeling her. Again, have to shake it off….. Get it together. Oh Man, WTF- My feelings tonight.

 I Love and miss you mom. R.I.P.

Hope you all night is good! Have a good one.

 Blessings and Love!

Thank you for reading.

Sorry if this post is too negative to you…My Blog My TRUTH!