Tag Archives: Lost

Abandonment

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How it started and when it started

This feeling on being unwanted

Abandoned

As a child, as a teen

As an adult

Being told at a young age

I’m not special enough

Cute enough

Smart enough

That I am nothing at all

Left alone

Abandoned

By those who said they love me

Would always be there

But you see they are

Gone, nowhere to be found

Abandoned

Searching for answers

Feeling of being alone

Closed in, nowhere to turn, fearful

Can’t speak, Afraid

My voice does not matter

Abandonment

Got me feeling no one cares

Abandonment

Screaming out for help

Being left, being unheard

Being let down constantly

Abandoned

Even by myself

I let me down too

Abandoned

Feeling of being ashamed

Of my pain, my scars

The fucked up past

Lifeless

Why though?

Being abandoned so young

Made me grow into darkness

Abandonment

Something I still try to get over

Abandoned

Feeling lost

Unwanted

Unloved

It is too much of a feeling

This sad, and fucked up feeling of

A nobody

Lost soul

Feelings of and truth of..

Abandoned

Thank you for reading.

Okay! Venting a little

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Hello all, my blog peeps. Tonight, I am not cool…..

So, I just posted a poem earlier I wrote about me being tired of my past having a tight ass hold on me. Is there anyone else like this? Where you seem like you cannot escape it, the past? Sometimes I hate that I replay past situations in my head. Then here I am on a damn emotional rollercoaster. Sometimes I just want revenge, I want to do harm, I want to unleash the beast. It gets crazy in this head of mines, and I try to contain it all. I also question why am I like this, why can’t I let it all go? Ugh. I just want some people to fucking suffer. Is that a bad thing? Damn these scars I have.

BREATHE

It is too much right now. I need to get back to focus.

 Okay! Whew had to let that out. I am still a work in progress and have thoughts like this from time to time. Was triggered a little today and it had me in a mood. Just venting don’t know if I am the only one. I must continue to pray. I felt close to the edge.

Praying on it and hopefully sleep good and better afterwards. Of course, my blog is my therapy. Please don’t judge me. Just had a fucked-up moment. LET IT Out!!!!

I am trying…WHEW

Again, BREATHE

Thank you for reading.

My Lonely Why…

Poems, Short Stories, thoughts, , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

My lonely Why

Lonely days with nothing but these thoughts, bad ones, negative ones oh man. Sitting in the dark trying to block out everything wondering why. That is what is mostly on my mind all the time, all the bad that has gone on again I ask why? Why me? Lonely nights sitting in the dark with a bottle of liquor in my hands drowning in the liquor trying to drink all the pain away, yes still in the dark its better this way. No reflection of myself and nobody looking this way, good do not want any to see me, just drowning. The past is what brings me here always like why? Why this? Why that? Lonely days and nights turn into darkness, depression, anxiety, pain, despair, and sadness. Lonely with tears in my eyes as I ask myself why. A question to my past. Always lonely and in the dark trying to climb out my own head away from the negative thoughts, climb out my depression, away from my past, away from the madness, and from my lonely why.

Thanks for reading.

**Poetry**

COLD

Poems, Poems, thoughts, , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Cold

Cold like the wind

Heart chilled, cool, cold

Shut off from me, you, the world

Standing still, stiff body, damn cold

Pitch black, where am I, nothing around

Iciness, trembling body, I’m cold

What is going on? Damn, freezing

Am I coming or going?

Maybe So.......

Damn I am cold

Thank You For Reading!!

*

***Just a poem!****

Rage – Just Write (writeblg.com)

Rage II – Just Write (writeblg.com)

Wasted Time

Short Stories, thoughts, , , , , , , , , ,

Wasted time

Have you ever met somebody, and you hit it off, and you two get along? The good conversations, then boom it freaking ends. Ugh I hate that. That is why I try not to get too attached and get my feelings involved, because people will switch up and change on you. Like do not introduce me to that if you cannot keep it up. I do not like the “oh I will talk to you only on my time” which is when or who knows when can you say irritated? I like consistency is that hard to ask for? I also do not like my time wasted that is so annoying or do not like my damn feelings hurt. These days it is so hard to find a nice genuine person like myself. Maybe I will take a seat and focus on me. Time to myself and not worrying about pleasing the next person. I really liked the person but oh well what can you do? I will move on and let it go. Whatever. Wasted my damn time, SMH

Thank you for reading.

#MyThoghts

Scars

Poems, , , , , , , , , ,

Scars inside and out

Deep wounds

Can never be fixed

Scars

Still remain

Walk with me, guide me

The scars

Not pretty

Inside and out

The scars I carry with me

So deep

Nightmares appear

The scars are here

Forever

The scars

Inside and out

I

Cannot hide

Flesh open

Cries are loud

Scars remain

I wonder why.

No help

There’s nobody

Damn scars

On my mind, body

Drowning

Am I still alive?

These

Scars

Sometimes visible

These scars sometimes

Not….Damn

Scars….

Blessings and Love.

Thank you for reading.

**A Poem**

Not the day II: NIGHT

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Okay, so an update, my mom’s family decided and made a decision I’m sure a really hard one and took my grandpa off life support earlier today. R.I.P. to my grandpa I can not lie and say I am doing okay.  I am in breakdown mode. He and my mom are together, and I know they will continue to watch over me and be with me. I am sad and just down, very down. Seriously I cannot concentrate, and again like I stated in my blog earlier my emotions are everywhere. WTF and my mind is going miles. Kind of pissed I had to find out on Facebook but I know people are going through it and feeling the loss and grief so I can not take it too personally and take it for what it is. Such a sad night and sorry for the negative post. Your girl is just going through a lot right now and no lie feel like losing it.

 Smoking and drinking(Yeah some do not agree and so what), trying to feel numb that is my night, my mood and honestly, I do not care. Craziness… Too much going on.  For real I am kind of panicking.  Yeah, such a damn day and night.

She venting AGAIN

Love you all and hope your night is better

Again, praying for my family. Strength, guidance, healing, protection, and love.

Blessings and Love!

Thank you for reading.

Careful!

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In life, you have to be careful, pay attention

You have to be alert of those who are in your presents

Everyone who comes into your life does not have your best interest at heart

Your eyes have to be open and mind smart and sharp

In life, we must be careful of everything and everyone!

Food for thought

She is just thinking out loud!

Blessings All! Love!

Thank You.

Be careful in this cruel world.

https://writeblg.com/2021/08/13/pay-attention/

Worry…ME

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Are you a person who can easily walk away from challenging situations? Are you a person who can easily forgive? Easily forget the negative.

Me I am not that person. I worry too much and think about the past way too much. Something I do not like about myself. I am always on edge and thinking about my past makes it worst and then anxiety kicks in. Wish it were easy for me to forget stuff, to forgive, and trust more. Want to easily walk away with no wounds. Wishful thinking huh? Yeah, it is annoying at times, and wish I could just leave the negative shit in the past. I worry too much it is crazy. Again, wish I can easily walk away from all the bad. Worrying a lot is stressful.

Ugh too much on my mind right now and want to getaway. Head spinning and mind racing fast. You ever had one of those days? Praying on it as always. Just writing to get my thoughts, feelings, and venting out. Sometimes I have to whether it is a negative post or not. I just want to be able to forgive and forget. I am me and right now I am worrying and having anxiety, must admit writing does help as it is calming for a moment. Praying for all of those having those bad days. Breathe and pray about it. Have faith.

Blessings and Love!

Thank you for reading.

My Heart Guarded

Short Stories, thoughts, , , , , , , , ,

Heart Guarded…

Sometimes I hate that I am so guarded, and I keep everything in. emotions are bottled up and I do not show that side of me. I do not fully put my feelings out there because I have feelings of being wronged and hurt. I do not like to love and be vulnerable, people will use that against you. That is why I guard my mind and my heart. It is true that I can be afraid of rejection. I do not trust easily either I have major trust issues and I know that is holding me back, but I cannot just fully put my trust in others. I am also guarded because I feel like people have negative motives, and I do not like that shit. I am guarded because I have not healed from my past, I need to let go and move on. Is it bad that I cannot let my guard down? Working on changing that, maybe just do not want to get hurt anymore I’ so freaking over it. I am just thinking out loud, my crazy thoughts. SMH it how I am feeling though. My heart is guarded. I need help!

Thank you for reading, please feel free to like, comment, and share.

#HeartGuarded